A Poem I Found & Fell in Love With

Message to Mommy

Mommy, Please don't be so sad,
I miss you so much too.
It's beautiful here where I am
But I worry a lot about you.
I sleep with angels watching me,
There's only love up here...
I'm never lonely or afraid,
Cause God's so very near.
I walk with Jesus every day
He's very kind and loving.
Don't worry mom: He holds my hand, When we cross a golden street.
I never cry or hurt myself
I see Grandpa everyday...
I play and laugh and sing a lot
And I hear you when you pray.
Please mommy, don't be mad at God
You see, He loves me, too.
And even though you're not with me
I'm really still with you.

TaLkiN

I love "All Around Me" by Flyleaf. The lyrics have so many meanings.

When I read the words I think of being in church & raising your hands during praise & worship. Like when the Holy Spirit moves you during a song,you close your eyes, raise your face to the ceiling & raise your hands above your head.

When I listen to the song it makes me think of loved ones who have passed on. Maybe you had a close connection with that person & you can feel them around you letting you know they are okay & that you are okay to move on.

Or when you read where some child or elderly person being saved from something devastating or over come an illness & they live to tell their story.

You could incorporate these words to fit any situation.

I posted the lyrics below so if you have never heard the song you could read the words & know what I am talking about.


P.S. Did you all notice I changed my title & added descriptions? It only seemed fitting.



I will be glad & rejoice in You; I will sing praise to Your name, O Most High. Psalm 9:2

All ArOunD mE (lyrics)

by Flyleaf

My hands are searching for you
My arms are outstretched towards you
I feel you on my fingertips
My tongue dances behind my lips for you

This fire rising through my being
Burning I'm not used to seeing you

I'm alive, I'm alive

I can feel you all around me
Thickening the air I'm breathing
Holding on to what I'm feeling
Savoring this heart that's healing

My hands float up above me
And you whisper you love me
And I begin to fade
Into our secret place

The music makes me sway
The angels singing say we are alone with you
I am alone and they are too with you

I'm alive, I'm alive

I can feel you all around me
Thickening the air I'm breathing
Holding on to what I'm feeling
Savoring this heart that's healing

And so I cry
The light is white
And I see you

I'm alive, I'm alive, I'm alive

I can feel you all around me
Thickening the air I'm breathing
Holding on to what I'm feeling
Savoring this heart that's healing

Take my hand
I give it to you
Now you own me
All I am
You said you would never leave me
I believe you
I believe

I can feel you all around me
Thickening the air I'm breathing
Holding on to what I'm feeling
Savoring this heart that's healed

HuSbAnD tAg...

1. Where did you meet your husband? We met @ our first job.
2. How long did you date before you got married? 6 years.
3. How long have you been married? 7 years & 5 months.
4. What does he do that surprises you? He is a great father.
5. What is your favorite feature of his? His Smile.
6. What is his best quality? Great sense of humor.
7. Does he have a nickname for you? Babe, Mami & Jenny.
8. What is his favorite food? Meatloaf (yucky).
9. What is his favorite sport? Football.
10. When and where did you first kiss? Hmmm, I made him wait 2 weeks, so Dec. 5, 1995.
11. What is your favorite thing to do as a couple? Watching movies or cooking out w/family.
12. Do you have any children? Yes, three.
13. Does he have any hidden talents? Good @ everything he does.
14. How old is he? 29.
15. What is his favorite music? He loves oldies, some tejano, country & some rock.
16. What do you admire most about him? He grew up w/a dysfunctional family, but has over come that & is an awesome husband & father.
17. What is his favorite color? Blue.
18. Will he read this? Probably not.
19. Who said I love you first? I did.

He's My Son (lyrics)

by Mark Schultz

I'm down on my knees again tonight,
I'm hoping this prayer will turn out right.
See, there is a boy that needs Your help.
I've done all that I can do myself
His mother is tired,
I'm sure You can understand.
Each night as he sleeps
She goes in to hold his hand,
And she tries
Not to cry
As the tears fill her eyes.

Can You hear me?
Am I getting through tonight?
Can You see him?
Can You make him feel all right?
If You can hear me
Let me take his place some how.
See, he's not just anyone, he's my son.

Sometimes late at night I watch him sleep,
I dream of the boy he'd like to be.
I try to be strong and see him through,
But God, who he needs right now is You.
Let him grow old,
Live life without this fear.
What would I be
Living without him here?
He's so tired,
And he's scared
Let him know that You're there.

Can You hear me?
Am I getting through tonight?
Can You see him?
Can You make him feel all right?
If You can hear me
Let me take his place some how.
See, he's not just anyone, he's my son.

Can You hear me?
Am I getting through tonight?
Can You see him?
Can You make him feel all right?
If You can hear me
Let me take his place somehow.
See, he's not just anyone.

Can You hear me?
Can You see him?
Please don't leave him,
He's my son.

Weather

Well, almost all of the snow has melted. I did not take any new pictures this morning because by the time I got up at 10 a.m. it was already starting to melt. I had woken up at 8, but I could not get up to take some pictures. I do know the sun was shining, so it might have already started to melt.

The girls played in the remaining snow piles & chased Apollo around in it. Well, it was fun while it lasted.

COPS: Earn Respect to Get Respect!

Check this video out! This will be one of the saddest things you will have ever seen? & cops wonder why people do not respect them? I am not saying we should not respect them, just that if you want respect, they should EARN IT!

The cop, Robert Powell, is now on administrative leave, but he needs to be fired! & there is nothing he can ever do to make this situation right! Turn your volume up so you can hear the officer, the security guard from the hospital & the nurse.

If you can't see the video, the low down is that Ryan Moats (the NFL player) rushed his wife, her aunt & her grandfather to the hospital where her mother was dying of breast cancer. He stopped at the red light & then proceeded through. The cop turned on his lights & sirens & followed him to the hospital. Once they parked & got out they told him what was going on; however, he pulled his gun out & was not going to let anyone go inside.

He finally let the wife & aunt go on up, but made Ryan & the grandfather wait to get a ticket. Even after the security guard from the hospital confirmed Ryan's story, he still did not let them leave. 13 minutes later a nurse comes out & tells the officer they need Ryan & the grandfather & he finally lets them go after 14 minutes.

Per the report, the mom died before they got up to see her.

SpRiNg BliZZaRd...

My Front Yard & Street

Today we have been experiencing a Spring Blizzard. According to the news it is the worst one since March 22, 1957. As of 4:30 p.m. we had gotten 5.2" of snow, with 2' snow drifts.

On Thursday @ 5:00 p.m. they had already canceled some schools around the Panhandle, including AISD. The only sign of a storm coming were the dark clouds & a little wind. I really did not think it would get as bad as they were saying, 10-12" of snow.

Well, we woke up this morning to snow falling on top of ice, it had rained early Friday morning before the snow. Since school was canceled our day care was closed, so I was already going to have to call in. Well, my boss called me first. Our office was going to be closed!! Amen!! As far as I know, this is only the 2nd time AQHA has ever closed. Well, JD was still going to have to go in though.

He went out to heat up the van & was covered in ice, the doors were frozen & there was a big snow drift at the end of our driveway. While he was waiting for the van to defrost, his boss called him to see if he would be coming in & they ultimately decided if it was going to be a while before he could get there, not to bother.

Thank God, because I am scared to drive in this weather & I did not want him to leave us here alone. Yes, I am a big baby.

I-40 East & West, coming in to Amarillo, ended up closing & there was a multiple car pile up along the interstate at one time. As of right now we still have our power, but there are a few little towns without power as we speak.

Here are some pictures. Do not let them fool you, it was deep in some spots & some are just snow drifts. Other places were kind of bare, but we have a rather large tree in the front yard, so the snow is mostly on it. The funny thing was Apollo would keep one foot up at all time & was practically begging me to let him back in. Poor baby!

Snow by my steps & this plant is frozen to the porch now...

My Precious Apollo...he did not like it!

This snow drift is between our driveway & our neighbor's driveway.

My question is, where was this snow at Christmas time?? When we moved into our house, exactly four years ago, it snowed the day after we unloaded the U-haul truck. It was Spring break too!



*******************************************************************************************************

UPDATE 11:40 P.M.

I am not sure as of right now how many inches we have gotten since earlier this evening, but they are estimating 2" per hour, with 10' snow drifts in some places.

Our heater stopped working because the return air vent filter needed to be replaced, so JD ended up having to get out anyway. He said it was not to bad going the 10+ blocks to Wal-Mart. Thank God, I was worrying the whole time, but I know we need our heater or we will freeze to death.

Backyard Pix

Girls' Bikes

The Backdoor @ ground level

I will take some pix in the morning. I tried to take some of the front yard just now from the doorway, but it is too dark outside.

Now I Lay Me Down to Sleep

When you lose someone dear to you, you grab at things to hold on to that will remind you of that special person. It is no different when losing a baby. Your hospital should give you pictures, footprints, blankets or any other donated items that were used on your little angel.

But, instead of having Polaroids of your infant you can have a photographer volunteer to take pictures of your baby either while the baby is either passing or born still. The program is called "Now I Lay Me Down to Sleep". I think it is a really special way to remember your baby. Some people, I am sure, would think it is morbid or cruel, but I think it helps to have something to look at & know that your baby was real & here.

I found a blog of a local photographer who is a part of this wonderful program if you or anyone you know may need this service. Or maybe you are a photographer who would like to volunteer, there is a link you can click on to sign up.

DiD a LiTtLe....

This weekend went well. I actually took off Friday to spend the last day of Spring Break with the girls & to just have a day off.

We did a little sleeping....
a little TV watching....
a little web surfing....
a little cooking....
a little cleaning....
a little park time....
a little horror movie time....
a little shopping....
a little bracelet making....
a little staying up too late & sleeping in the next day....
a little showering....
a little getting ready for Monday....

Makaila has officially changed her name to Beethoven. She has the movie, you know the one about the clumsy Saint Bernard, that she got for her Birthday. She has been asking me a LOT of questions lately & I love trying to answer them all for her.

This particular question went like this, "Mom, if I am born again & I am your baby, can my name be Beethoven?" I of course tell her yes & then she tells me that she wants that to be her name now. So, Beethoven it is. I think I need to tell her about the musical Beethoven, since she is going to be a singer & all.

Today she asked me this one, "If I was a puppy & I could talk & you went to the pound & I was there, would you pick me?"
Me: "Of course I would, you would be the cutest one there!"

I have a really bad habit of calling my girls 'Baby'. Andrea use to get so mad when I would call her that. When the Bratz dolls became famous she wanted me to call her Bunny, as one of their nicknames is as such.

Children are just so funny about everything! I will have to get the exact story about how my nephew became 'Pepper'. One of his darling brothers, Dobie, thought the soda "Squirt" ment just that & did not want his brother, Connorad, to open the bottle. So, when my brother explained to him it is just the name of the soda, Dr. Pepper was brought up & he suggested his unborn baby brother be Pepper.

Well, I am off to bed so I can get Drea & Beethoven up for school in the morning. Maybe another story tomorrow as Beethoven has her first indoor soccer game tomorrow.

pHoTo TiMe!!

It is definitely Spring Time around here (at least for a little while) & while it is nice we love to go to the park. The girls & I decided to have a photo shoot. Here are some I would like to share.

KK, she likes to pose

My first born, Drea

My girls are gorgeous & I am not just saying that because they are mine neither. I have been told that people are not envious.

We had loads of fun, if you can't tell.

We plan to go out & do this again in some other spots around town once it turns green, so I will make sure to post some more then.

UpDaTeS & fUnNy StUfF

Well, as some of you know I am partaking in the Lent proceedings. I have given up chips. It has been a little hard since I am a chipaholic.

"Hi, may name is Jenny & I have a problem! I am a chipaholic!"

I pack my girls' lunch & when I reach for those toasted, cheese flavored, triangular shaped chips, I would really like to just sneak one. No one will see me, but wait! God WILL! I have been doing really good. The other afternoon we had KK's birthday party & I had to twisty tie the chips & they all were yelling for me to eat them. I resisted though. Satan did not win this battle.

My March for Babies Fundraisers are going GREAT! I have sold 4 boxes of chocolates, earning my team $100.00! Then, I had went to Michael's & purchased flower kits for $1.00. Each kit contains a 1 1/2" pot, a little dirt clot & a packet of seeds. I sale them for $2.00 & so far I have made $50.00 to go towards my team!

My BFF, Bridgett, got me a gift certificate to a local gormet shop that we are going to give away as a prize. The game? How many Jelly Bellys are in the baby bottle? & one of my other close friends, Kelli, is going to get me a gift certificate from her niece's shoppe to raffle off. I am just so into this. I am going to do this for the Susan G. Komen. You never know when you are going to need these services.

I have six friends, four cousins, my mom (hopefully my aunt & sister-in-law), all signed up to be a part of my team.

I promised the other day that I would post another funny story about one of my drama queens. Let me tell this one, it's the best by far.

One afternoon, JD, my mom, Andrea, Makaila & myself were walking through Sam's Club. Drea & my mom where in front, KK was in her infant carrier, JD & I were pushing the basket talking. Drea was 5 at the time mind you. All of a sudden I hear her saying something about tator tots. So, I ask her what she is saying, but she replies, "nothing". OK.

We walk a little farther & I hear her, "Pussy & tator tots, pussy & tator tots". So, shocked, I ask her what she is saying, she looks me in the face & asks, "WHAT'S WRONG WITH PUSSY & TATOR TOTS MOM?" as an elderly woman walks past us. Anyone who knows Drea, knows she is not a quiet child. I wanted to crawl under a rock & die. So I tell her it is inappropriate & we will not say the "p" word again.

When I ask my mom why she did not tell her to stop, she says, "I thought if I ignored her she would stop on her own." UMMMM okay, BUT SHE DIDN'T!! Of course mom looks at JD & asks him where she heard that & adds, "What an odd combination."

I was mortified!! What do you think that little old lady told her family when she got home. Just imagine!

That is all for now, more later!



"I assure you, unless your turn from your sins & become as little children, you will never get into the Kingdom of Heaven.
Therefore, anyone who becomes as humble as this little child is the greatest in the Kingdom of Heaven." Matthew 18:3-4

JuSt TalKiNG aGAiN......

I do not consider myself a petty person at all. However, lately I have been feeling like people make my situation about themselves without even listening to what I have to say. I have noticed people doing that a lot lately & not just to me. I understand there are people in this world that if the whole world is not revolving around them, they just cannot stand it. It's like I am suppose to wake up one day & my life will be back to the way it was two years ago. Pre baby loss. Well, it isn't & it never will be again.

I was the second oldest of five children, so I was raised to know what "it is not about me" means. Even though I pushed my parents' buttons at times to get attention. But this blog is about me & my feelings & if I am not addressing any one person, don't take offense, it is just not about you.

I may be sad, let me be sad; I may be angry, let me be angry; I may be jealous, let me be jealous; I may just need to get stuff out, let me speak. Don't not talk to me or make it about you, please.

I understand that my son's life stopped & not my own. I know I have to move on, I have to be able to celebrate my life & be happy with what I have got. One thing though, it is not about you & it takes time.

So, next time you are in a group of people listen to what is being said. Think before you speak & observe the whole situation before you make it about yourself.

I am grateful for all of the support I have & do receive. Thank you to everyone who has been praying for me & my little family. I know it is hard on some since they cannot relate to my situation. Just know this is not personally attacking anyone, just venting my feelings again.

God Bless.

MuSic & AiR 1

I do not know how many of you listen to Christian music. I am really big on the contemperary, but I am known to not be into the rap or hard rock type music. However, I am really diggin' Superchick's "Stand In the Rain" & Toby Mac's "Lose My Soul/Afterparty", fet. Kirk Franklin (whom I love) & Mandisa (my favorite American Idol by far). Since I was never really into DC Talk, I had no idea that Toby Mac was a part of that group.

My older brother has me listening to Sandra McCracken. She has such an awesome voice!! I watch her YouTube videos.

Francesca Battistelli has the perfect song, "Free to be Me". Everyone can relate to this song on so many levels & it is so upbeat. Then, there is Jeremy Camp's "There Will be a Day". This song has some special meaning to me. Knowing there will be a day when I will see Jesus face to face & get to hold my son.

Not sure if anyone knows (or cares) Michael Tait, who is also from DC Talk, will be the new lead singer of the Newsboys. I love the Newsboys!! Not too sure how they are going to be with this change.

I love music!! Especially music that lifts me up or relates to my mood. We are all musically inclined in my family & one day I will not be afraid to sing in front of everyone.



Be filled with the Spirit. Speak to one another with psalms, hymns and spiritual songs. Sing and make music in your heart to the Lord. Eph. 5:18-19

We are doing the March for Babies in April for our area. If anyone would like to donate online you can go to our team page & make a donation there. If anyone reading this lives in my area, you are more than welcome to join my team or create your own team to walk for babies.

http://www.marchforbabies.org/personal_page.asp?w=141014169&u=nehemiahreyna

Thank you in advance.
God Bless You,



I almost forgot, I have 15 candy bars left to sell out of 4 boxes (200) & I started selling Flower Kits today. I had 19 to start with & have 9 left to sell. I have collected $90 just in contributions & have about $50 left to collect on. I am very excited about what I am doing.

Spring Forward

This weekend has been fun. We had Makaila's birthday party yesterday & everyone came. She got a Razor Scooter & a V-tech gaming system. My dad got her John Cena poster that he gave to her on her actual birthday. I will get picture up soon. She is in love with him. I just had fun having all of my family around me, that is my favorite thing. I wish my older brother & his family lived closer, they were the only ones missing.

After everyone left we had to take her to Wal-Mart to exchange one of her movies, Madagascar II. I forgot we already bought it & so I put it on her list of wants. So, she exchanged it for a three disc package for the same price. It has Babe, Cat in the Hat & Beethoven. Pretty good deal I might add. The cashier said, "That will be $21.61 sweetheart", "MOM, he just called me SWEETHEART!!". She just gushed over that for the hole trip home.

It reminds me of a time we went to Andrea's volleyball game. Makaila's hair goes past her butt & I had braided it. Well, she was walking off so JD grabbed it in front of a man watching the game. JD told the man that was what that braid is for & they both laughed, the man looked at KK & told her she is pretty. So, what does she do? Winks at him! He reached out a gently pinched her cheek, so then she blushed & told everyone about how he touched her cheek. It was the funniest thing EVER!

What are we gonna do? Anyone have an extra shotgun lying around?

My children are so dramatic, I guess that is to be expected with girls.

One time Andrea & I had went to a local department store. I was looking for an outfit to get her pictures taken in. Drea likes to go in & out of clothes racks & run off. So, when I had had enough I grabbed her hand & charged up to the counter to make my purchase. Well, Drea starts yelling, "HELP ME, HELP ME, SHE'S BREAKING MY ARM!!" OMGness!!, I wanted to die. One woman gave me that look, like "Do you want me to beat her for you?". When we got in the car I did spank & told her we do not act like that in public. Since then she has done very well when going to the store.

I could go on & on, but I won't. I will try to share one story a week w/you. How about that?



Train up a child in the way he should go; even when he is old he will not depart from it. Proverb 22:6

God's Love

March for Babies

I am so EXCITED! A friend of mine, Keisha, has gotten me involved with the March of Dimes. At first I did not think I was a candidate for the March of Dimes. I assumed the March of Dimes was for preemies born alive. Little did I know, stillbirths are part of the March of Dimes as well.

So, Keisha picked me up everything I would need to sign up to be a part of the March of Dimes. As well, as the March for Babies paperwork to walk. They are doing several fundraisers as well to raise money besides just the 5K run & walk that they do every year, like we are selling 24-20oz. bottles of sodas for $20 & Desperado's (a local restaurant) is selling presmoked rack of ribs for $20 & 25% goes to the March of Dimes. Well, I took my contributions information to work with my Thursday & by Friday, I had collected $90 (not including the money I have not collected yet) & I got 5 women to sign up to walk with me. Not only that, one of the March of Dimes directors in my area brought be 4 boxes of chocolates Friday morning @ 11:30 & by 2pm I had sold 2 1/3 boxes to the ladies in my building! The coolest thing, is that all of the candy bars have Keisha's baby girl's name on them "in Memory of Brooke Julian". I plan to do a few fundraisers on my own as well & my walking mates now have a contribution sheet of their own to get donations from the friends & family. I will post some facts about the March of Dimes later, I promise.

I really feel like I am doing something now. Not only because I lost a baby, but maybe we can keep another baby from being born too soon & keep complications at a minimum.

Now I must tell you, I have not seen my family yet to see if they would like to be a part of this, but I am sure I will have some more walkers by this afternoon when they come over for KK's bday party. And any of you who may be interested in campaigning for someone that does not live near you, you can still go to your local March of Dimes & partake in their walk & get your friends & family to donate for the cause. I always thought something like this would never happen to me, & believe me, I hope it never happens to anyone else, but we have to remember we are not invincible.



P.S. I have more green growing in my garden & it is suppose to get into the 30's this coming week, pray it does not freeze.

HeArTpRiNtS

This evening was our first night back at The Hope & Healing Place with our Pregnancy & Infant Loss Group (aka Heartprints). It was really nice. There was only one other couple there besides JD & myself. They had lost a baby at 20 weeks & 1 day gestation due to Turner Syndrome just this past January. I hope JD & I have given them a little insight as to what to expect. The wife & I share a lot of the same grief process & it was nice to be able to tell her how I felt during the first months. JD & I actually admitted things we had not even told one another. Like how I had prayed God to make the first 6 months speed by or how JD talks to Nehemiah in our garden when his little windmill gets to spinning.

We only have an hour, but we almost went two. Our therapist had to stop us. It was really nice to be able to finally talk to someone who can actually relate on more levels than just one, losing a child. I am telling you this is truly a God Send. Praise God! There were suppose to be some more couples; however, no one else showed up. I cannot wait until we meet again in two weeks. Maybe JD & I have found us some lifelong friends. Who knows. Praising God!

Usually we stop at Taco Bell after our meetings to eat before we go pick up the girls. Since I have given up chips that is out of the question. Man I was craving a Nacho Bell Grande so bad!! I am glad JD is supporting me in this or I am sure he would have driven right into their parking lot.

I just wanted to give everyone an update to how our session went.

You are Holy God! You are blessing our lives every day & for that we thank You!

BiRtHdAy & UpDaTeS!!

Six years ago today, I delivered a 7lb. 3oz. baby girl we named Makaila Jeanine Reyna. She was delivered by EMERGENCY c-section. She came into this world in such a rush & that is how she still lives it. She is very dramatic & very hyperactive. Always going here & there! My dad says she has ADD.

This year we decided to take her to Chuck E. Cheese at her request. What a blast! We spent way to much money & got a small handful of trinkets to remember our fun. My parents went with us too. My poor dad does not feel good, but he let Drea drag him around to every game they have.

Saturday will be her party w/friends & family. We are planning on having a cookout & cupcakes she is designing. I will be sure & add some pictures of that.

To update on my giving up chips for Lent. I have made it a week without chips. Unfortunately I have been craving some nachos from Taco Villa & seeing the girls eating Doritos has had me licking my lips. I can do it though. Remember what I said in my first post regarding Lent not only being a Catholic tradition any more. Any denomination can partake & actually there are many who do already. For me it is something I enjoy & would give up for our Lord. It is nothing compared to what He gave up. I now Jesus loves me & does not judge as we do. I only hope to be more like Him & come closer to Him everyday that I am on this Earth.

This Sunday we did not make it to the church we were invited to attend. The girls & I drove across the road to Washington Avenue Christian Church. We have been there a few times before & really enjoy going there. Maybe this Sunday we can get it in gear & make it to the other church. Please pray for us on this note.

I had forgotten it was Passover & when the ushers brought the little bread & wine (grape juice) the girls were confused by such small morsels. KK thought it was something scary. She put the little wafer like cracker in her mouth, spit it out & shoved it into my mouth. On our ride back home I explained what they had just experienced. When we went on our last vacation of the summer we stopped in Groom, TX to see the Cross Ministries & the girls got see the story of how Jesus was crucified. I have some pictures here.

This Thursday we start back at our Pregnancy & Infant Loss Support Group. The name for our group is "Heartprints".