My Own Testimony of a God Send!

After losing a child (or any loved one) you always think, what is the lesson here? What could God have brought to us through this hurt & pain for? What is His reason everyone keeps telling us about? I think we have found ours. Well, let me back up a bit. After JD & I lost our son we were devastated. We both grieved differently. Me, outward; him, inward. At first I cried & cried & cried. JD was wonderful & supportive. But soon I felt like I was burdening him with my crying, so I stopped & started keeping a journal. However, his inward struggle was far worse than anyone could see. He started having chest pains & could not sleep. He hurt is back & slept on the couch for about two months. He never told his doctor what we had been through, so his doctor just put him on blood pressure medication & a couple of other meds. I wanted to talk about our loss, he didn't. We started drifting away from each other. On a couple of occasions he would just go off on me & a few hours later act like nothing ever happened. It got to where he would not even remember what he had said to me. One evening he poured syrup on my head (funny now, but not at the time) & after I got into the shower he asked me why I was taking a shower so early for. When it could not get any worse, he told me he wanted out. He could not do it anymore, he had lost his "passion". He did not want to learn the guitar, he did not want to go to church, he did not want to play softball (which is his life) & he did not want to be with me. I was devastated yet again. First I lose my son & now I am going to lose my husband. How does that happen? Long story short, my dad observed a certain day with JD & decided I needed to call his doctor & talk to them about his medication; call his brother & talk to him about possible depression & get him in to see someone. First step, we went to his doctor, after talking with the doctor JD tells him he does not want any antidepressants. What does the doctor do? Put him on "anti-anxiety" medication; a very low dose he tells JD. Next step, to a therapist, who informs JD he is definitely depressed after a series of questions. Then, the doctor tells JD that he is actually on an antidepressant & not anti-anxiety medication. We go see him four times & he helps us along on our journey. We move back in together & decide we need to help other people in the same shape we are in. I had looked into some help earlier with no avail. So, we put our minds together & came up with an idea to start a support group; however, before we could get it started, we get a call from The Hope & Healing Place. I had been there earlier to get counseling without JD & they had some other women who have lost babies & needed support, so would we be interested in coming in & maybe in the future help them out with other couples? WHAT A GOD SEND!?!?! Our first group consisted of JD & myself, along with four other women & our wonderful Group Leader & her assistant. Unfortunately one the women only came to our very first night & we had one who only came two nights. Hopefully, they will come around again. But our first night was so intense. I did not talk at all. I thought I would just talk & talk & talk, but I cried the entire time. & JD, the one who lost his "passion", talked & talked & talked. He was the first one to talk too! He has not gotten all of his passions back, but we are so much closer than ever. Actually, since Nehemiah's first angelversary we have truly began healing properly. October was an intense month for the both of us. There are two other remembrances in October (4th-Walk to Remember & 15th-Candle Light Vigil) & we just did too much last year with it being our first year. Hopefully it will not always be that intense. Anyway, we are hopefully going to start up again. Our Group Leader has informed us that she has three other couples & one dad who is interested in coming. I pray that we are able to reach as many people who need us. Like I said, I could not find anything to meet our needs, but God has brought us all together through our pain to help others in pain.


 
The Lord is near to those who have a broken heart,
And saves such as have a contrite spirit. Psalm 34:18