These last few days have been good.
I go back to work tomorrow. I kind of miss it, the adult contact and the work will keep my mind busy.
My appointment was good yesterday. No news on you yet. Dr. H says maybe my next appointment will have some results. She says we can try again. She asks that we wait about six months. She gave me some birth control pills to try. I miss you bebe!
I received one of the books I ordered too. Almost done reading it. I had a friend lose her baby a few years back. I have been debating calling her. It's been a while since I have spoken with her. I drive by L's grave every now and again. What do you think?
Makaila is ready for daycare tomorrow. I'm not much fun.
I do not blame God, nor Dr. H. You must have been too sick for me to care for or it would be too hard for me to lose you later in your life. But I miss you and love you!
It will get easier, but I will never forget you.
Hopefully, daddy and I are going to start church this Sunday. I need it so I am going to pray about it. I can't go without him. We both need this! I love you!
Tonight your dad and I had a spat. I told him about my new book and thought he might like to read it. Instead me bringing it up made him feel like I was telling him what to do with his feelings which is not my intentions.
I have been crying now for about an hour. I do not know what to do or say now. I thought the other day he was just acting uninterested when I told him stories I read about other women losing a baby, but now I think I was making him think about you and hurting him instead. I guess I will wait until he needs me. I love him. And this should bring us together, not tear us apart. Now I really hope he still goes to church with me on Sunday.
I am going to say my prayers and sleep now. Love you!
Forgot something, you dad says he can't break down. His job is to be strong for me so when I breakdown. I told him he does not always have to be the strong one, to let me be the one to care for him. He is so stubborn sometimes. I think that is something that makes me adore him. If I think of anything else, I will be back.
Mommy loves you! I know your sisters do too. Makaila told you all the time when you were in my womb. She'd kiss my tummy and say, "Mama, he says he love you!" We all miss you!
"Why are you cast down, O my soul? And why are you disquieted within me? Hope in God, for I shall yet praise Him For the help of His countenance." Psalm 42:5
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