I had a semi-bad day today.
This morning at work I had a crying attack. A woman was in the bathroom talking about people dying around holidays. I just broke down soon after in the stairwell.
I have been doing good. My friend brought sonogram pictures and everyone decided to use my desk as the place to look at them and oo and ah over.
It hurt, but all I could do was sit there and smile. She is having a boy. I'm losing it! This sucks!
I wanted to cry so long and hard today, but I did not let myself. I prayed to God to send someone my way who understood.
Her name is Paulina. She has a 16 year old and a 6 year old. Between the two she had two miscarriages. Her youngest daughter was believed to be her third, but she survived. Unfortunately not long after birth, she had a total hysterectomy. She wanted to try one more time for a boy, but was robbed.
I believe God saved my womb for one more baby, but now is not the time.
I love you!
It felt good to talk with her. When I talk about how I feel to people they either make a sad face or an ahhhh sound. I am thinking about seeking more help.
I feel like I am making your dad upset when I talk about you or things I think about concerning you or the things I read about. I am going to pray more about it.
A lady at Drea's school told me she'd ask Andrea when am I due and she told the teacher you'd died. She told us her daughter had lost twins and how much harder that had to have been. I thought she was very inconsiderate. All she had to say is, "Andrea told me about your loss and I'm sorry to hear of it." People do not think! They are uneducated as such. I guess I am seeing it was meant to be for me to go through this.
We are going back to church this weekend. I know it will help us a lot! I miss you baby boy! I think about you and I love you!
Love,
Mommy :)
Jesus said, "You will grieve, but your grief will turn to joy." John 16:20
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