THANKSgiving

It is that time of year again!

That time we know as fall, browning leaves, cooler weather, withering plants, snow, winter.

This month is Thanksgiving & we have plenty to be thankful for here in our little household.

Just as last year, I have been listing daily the things I am most thankful for on my Facebook. It is great to share with others what makes you happy & thankful.

I love the holidays because I get to spend time with my brother & his family who do not live close to us. It is a precious time that I always hope goes by slowly.

My main thanks I give this month are:
My Health & Being Alive
My Marriage & Husband
My 3 Healthy Children
My Precious Angel Nehemiah
My Parents
My Siblings
The Past, Present & Future Service Men & Women Serving our Country
My Job
My House & Car

What are you most thankful for?


Psalm 107:1 "Oh, give thanks to the Lord, for He is good!
Thanksgiving to the Lord for His great works of deliverance for His mercy endures forever."

We Are All Strong Enough

On Thursday, I went to be with my dear friend who was celebrating the 3rd birthday of her sweet Bubbas. On my way to the cemetery I was thinking about what I was going to say & if she would like my gift I had made for her & then I was starting feel really sad & thought of my poor dear friend. Right as I turned into the entry way Jeremy Camp's "There Will Be a Day" started playing on the radio.

I am not sure if everyone knows how that song goes, so I will share a few lyrics:

I can’t wait until that day where the very one I’ve lived for always will wipe away the sorrow that I’ve faced
To touch the scars that rescued me from a life of shame and misery this is why this is why I sing….

There will be a day with no more tears, no more pain, and no more fears
There will be a day when the burdens of this place, will be no more, we’ll see Jesus face to face

Well, she loved my gift, of course!! We hugged & talked. She has some very sweet nieces & nephew & her sister-in-love with her. She had white balloons to release. Of course I still had the sharpies in my purse from Nehemiah's balloon release, so I had to get those out. A couple more of her sweet friends showed up & we let the balloons go. It was cold & a little windy, but it was still very nice. Compared to the weather from the day before, this day was perfect.

As I was heading to the exit of the cemetery, I looked back & saw my dear friend sit down in front of her son. My heart broke just a little more for her & I wanted to go back, but I told myself she has to have some alone time with her sweet angel.

As soon as I made up my mind to leave another song came on the radio. This one being by Matthew West called "Strong Enough". Here are a few lyrics:You must You must think I'm strong To give me what I'm going through

Well, forgive me Forgive me if I'm wrong But this looks like more than I can do On my own

I know I'm not strong enough to be everything that I'm supposed to be
I give up
I'm not strong enough
Hands of mercy won't you cover me
Lord right now I'm asking you to be
Strong enough
Strong enough For the both of us

Both of these songs coming on let me know that God was listening to my heart & these particular songs were played for me personally at those moments.

Today, I am thankful for my life lessons that are brought to me by the loss of my sweet angel Nehemiah Christopher Reyna. I would never have met the people I have or be able to help people who are grieving the loss of a child if I had not lost my own.

To close, here are just a few pictures I would like to share.

This is the wreath I made my dear friend.
The blue airplane has wings painted on the wings that you can't see at this angle.

There go our balloons!

My candle burning brightly.

"I Can Do All Things Through Christ Who Strengthens Me". Philippians 4:13

Angelversary Past

Each year we have done something special in memory of our sweet Nehemiah. I am always thinking of ideas to come up, so I thought I would share with you the things we have done.

October 18, 2008:
Our family met at Southlawn Park in the afternoon (go here to see photos). Both my younger & older brother read a verse from the bible, my brother-in-law said a some sweet words, I read a little thank you & then a verse from the bible & JD read a poem (I helped). I had purchased some special stationary paper from the local craft store that we all wrote a special note on & attached it to our balloons. Then we released them into the sky.

October 18, 2009:
JD, my girls & I went to a local park & released balloons & fed the ducks.
My two girls, my dad & myself all had 10 inches cut off of our hair & donated it to the Locks of Love.I ordered Forget Me Not seeds off the internet & made seed packets. On each seed packet I attached a picture of Nehemiah's hands & placed a paper band around them with a poem.


October 18, 2010:
I asked everyone to please do 3 nice things & then write them down for me to keep. Only a few people did this for me. We donated to the Faith City Mission three items clothes, toys & book.
In the evening we went to a local park & released balloons with messages written on them.

October 18, 2011:
We bought a kit at Wal-mart & knitted hats for our local NICU. Unfortunately we got a late start, so we only donated to the hospital where we delivered our angel. JD named them Nehemiah's Hats. Fitting, don't you think?
Afterwards, we went to a local park & released balloons. It was too windy or we would have fed some ducks.

I am already planning next years event. Hopefully we can do it, until then, my lips are sealed.

Balloon Release

Well sweet son, we had quite a day for 4th Angelversary.

After your sisters got out of school we went home & picked up your daddy & baby brother & we headed to the hospital with our Nehemiah's Hats. Daddy picked them in case you did not already know that.

When we got to the registration desk to find out where the nursery was, we were greeted by the charge nurse named Patty. She asked us what we were delivering to the nursery, so I opened the box to show her the tiny hats we had knitted.

Before she took them upstairs to be placed on the little babies' heads, I explained to her about our sweet baby (you) & how we do something every year in honor of your memory. She was so sweet & said she was taking them right away to be distributed.

We left there with our hearts (faces) smiling.

We then went & picked out your birthday balloons. Andrea got an orange star, Makaila got a white star & Crispin got a blue star. Daddy got a Happy Birthday & I got you a sports balloon. It was super windy outside, so we sat inside the van & wrote our messages on your balloons.

I took these pictures of each of our balloons.







One problem, when Makaila got out of the van, the wind ripped her balloon out of her hand. She cried so hard because it got away. So daddy let her hold his. Crispin did not know what to think about all that was going on, so he sat holding your bear.









We miss you sweet angel & love you dearly. We hope you had an awesome birthday in Heaven!

Love,
Mommy, Daddy, Andrea, Makaila & Crispin

Happy 4th Angelverary

It is hard to believe it has been 4 years since you graced us with your presence. We miss you so much, especially today.

I still dream of the day I delivered you & how beautiful you were. I dream of all the things I wish I could have had with you here on Earth. Playing with your sisters & tormenting them as young brothers do. Daddy showing you how to throw a ball & signing you up for football. For now I will settle on just dreams.

Even though you now have a little brother, you will always be my first born son.

This afternoon we plan to take our little hats we made in your honor to the hospital you were born on that cool October day. We plan to go to the park & send balloon messages your way.

Here are Nehemiah's Hats:

These are the small ones. These are the larger ones.

They are ready to go!

Keep watch over us until one day we meet again my darling son.

Happy Birthday my angel!

Love Always,
Mommy, Daddy, Andrea, Makaila & Crispin

5th Annual Candle Light Vigil

October is not only Breast Cancer Awareness, it is also Pregnancy & Infant Loss Awareness Month. October 15th is Pregnancy & Infant Loss Remembrance Day.

Every year on October 15th candles are lit at 7pm & burn for one hour all over the world for a continuous wave of light.

This year, just like years past, our local candle light vigil was at Medi Park. Here are a few pictures I was able to take & thought I would share.



As you can tell, we had quite a turn out. So sorry for the reason we were all together, but happy we have other people to share our story with who understand our pain. The weather was nice & candles cooperated.

Premonitions, Angelversary & Other Things

This month is flying by, it seems. If you had told me four years ago that I would be celebrating my baby was not going to make it & we would be a part of a select club, I would like to think that I would not have believed you.

Looking back though & thinking about all of the premonitions of what was about to happen during my short pregnancy, I think I already knew. I just did not know when it was going to take place exactly. I have heard other stories of people knowing it is close to the end for them, I truly believe we sometimes just know.

But here we are, just a week & few days away from being four years without our precious Nehemiah.

Now he is our special guardian angel. Watching us & showing us different things as we go about. We have met some special people we would probably never have met. We have been able to share our story to help others, a story would not have had it not been for our angel.

Saturday, October 15th is the Pregnancy & Infant Loss Awareness Day. We meet at a local park & light a candle for our lost little ones. It is overwhelming, but we feel we must do it. Then three days later is our Nehemiah's angelversary.

This is the first angelversary since our new addition to the family. Crispin of course will not understand what is going on. But one day we will be able to explain to it to him & he will know.

At times when Crispin is sitting up he looks up to the ceiling & holds his hands up in the air & smiles real big or when he smiles in his sleep, he has even laughed out loud while he is asleep. JD & I like to think he is playing with his big brother. It is really sweet!I have read different things about babies being angels before God sends them down to be our babies. I know it might be a little silly or there might actually be something to it. As well as I do not believe in reincarnation at all, but if an angel becoming our baby could be true, who really knows if maybe a part of it could be a reincarnation. Like this one particular angel was to be your baby & then God decides to send that angel to someone else instead because He has something greater planned for you. Ok I think I am rambling on now. I am trying to get to a story that I am not sure I have ever told before in a blog; however, I would like to share it anyway.

Last November I attended the 2nd Birthday of an angel baby. While I was sitting at the table a small boy (about 2 or 3) came & sat beside me & his mom sat on my other side. He kept smiling at me & rambling about different things to me. His mom told me that he does not talk to just anyone. I just listened & could not stop staring at him. He was a little chubby fella with short light brown hair, a dimple in his cheek, light brown eyes & light brown skin. I just thought to myself, that is exactly how Nehemiah would look if he were here today. It would have really been something if his name had been Nehemiah, wouldn't it?

I know there are things that just cannot be explained & this is one of them.

I think I am now done with my rambling for the day. Please continue to pray for all the moms & dads all over the world who are having to continue living without their precious children. On October 15th light your candle at 7pm & let it burn for one hour for a continuous wave of light. If you live in the Amarillo area, you are more than welcome to attend the Candle Light Vigil at Medi Park at the playground by the Discovery Center, from 7pm-10pm.

4th October

I cannot believe in just a few weeks it will be 4 years since you, my precious Nehemiah, was born sleeping. Not a day goes by that I do not think about you. What life would be like right now in this moment with you here with us. In time it has gotten easier, but we have definitely not ever forgotten. Every October I experience a smell that triggers every emotion imaginable, I just wonder if this year will be any different.

Every year we have done something as a family to celebrate your angelversary. This year is no different. I have been making little knitted hats to donate to the NICU at the hospitals. I even have daddy helping me! I was thinking about getting a tattoo next year since I will not be nursing, but let's see if I don't wimp out.

We plan to walk this morning at the Walk to Remember at Memorial Park. I made this little picture for you just for this month.
We love you son & miss you everyday! You will always live in our hearts!

Love,
Mommy, Daddy, Andrea, Makaila & Crispin

Pregnancy & Infant Loss Awareness Month

October is Pregnancy & Infant Loss Awareness Month.

If you live in the Amarillo area here are a few things going on this month you may participate either as an angel parent, angel grandparent, angel sibling, angel aunt, angel cousin, angel uncle, friend of any of these listed, etc.
"A Walk to Remember"
Saturday, October 1, 2011 @ 10 am
Memorial Park-Area # 1( east side of park) 2400 South Washington.
This walk is for parents, grandparents, siblings, health-care professionals, friends to observe National Pregnancy & Infant Loss Awareness Month.

World Wide Wave of Light
5th Annual Pregnancy and Infant Loss Candlelight Vigil!
Saturday, October 15 · 7:00pm - 10:00pm
Amarillo Botanical Gardens (next to the playground)
1400 Streit Dr. Amarillo, Texas

Great Company!

I was thinking this morning about the people I have met after becoming a parent of an angel. I have met people I would never have met any other way & also caught back up with friends whom I had lost touch with, even gotten closer to a friend or two.

They always say God brings people into your life that you will help or who will help you. I do not think you can ever fully help someone who is going through something unless you have been in that same spot yourself.

I am thankful for the friends I have made & bonds that have gotten stronger because of my sweet Nehemiah. I miss my angel baby everyday, but it makes me feel good to think that he is making some really special friends up in Heaven. He is in great company!

My Shoes

I wear a pair of shoes
They are ugly shoes
Uncomfortable shoes
I hate my shoes
Each day I wear them and each day I wish I had another pair.
Some days my shoes hurt so bad that I do not think I can take another step
Yet, I continue to wear them
I get funny looks wearing these shoes
They are looks of sympathy.
I can tell in others eyes that they are glad they are my shoes and not theirs
They never talk about my shoes
To learn how awful my shoes are might make them uncomfortable.
To truly understand these shoes you must walk in them.
But, once you put them on, you can never take them off.
I now realize I am not the only one who wears these shoes.
There are many pairs in this world.
Some women are like me and ache daily as they try and walk in them.
Some have learned how to walk in them so they don't hurt quite as much.
Some have worn the shoes so long that days will go by before they think about how much they hurt
No woman deserves to wear these shoes
They have made me who I am.
I will forever walk in the shoes of a woman who has lost a child.
~Unknown Author

She Will Never Love Another, The Way She Loved Him...

I have been thinking back to a conversation that was being held between a group of friends. I was not part of the conversation, nor was I not eavesdropping. I was actually with a person who was part of this group & taking it all in.

The conversation was about a young man who had died in an automobile accident. He left behind his parents, siblings, numerous friends & family, & a fiance.

The group was discussing how sad it was that he had not gotten to marry his fiance & how sad she must be. One person even chimed in to say that they hoped she was not being left out, since she was just the fiance.

I was daydreaming, drifting in and out of the conversation, until one man said, "At least she can still remarry".

My ears perked up, the way dogs do in movies & I listened closer as everyone else chimed in on how that was true, true, true. Then I was screaming inside of my head "I hope you did not say that to her!".

Oh, how to this day I wish I had said something. Not just anything. Not anything sarcastic. Not anything to belittle them. Just something that would have made them realize what the man had just said & what each individual had just agreed to.

It is this way with any kind of tragedy I suppose. There are those who would say:
"You can always find another partner"
"You can always have another baby"
"At least you have other siblings"
"At least you have your other parent"
"At least you have other children"

I know people mean well, one never really knows what to say to another person who is mourning. Especially one who has never experienced it first hand. I myself still do not have all of the words I wish to say to another person who is grieving the loss of a baby/child, but I do know what not to say.

So, if I could rewind time & go back to that one day, I would have to politely say, "But she will never love another, the way she loved him".

The point I am making today is, no matter how well our intentions are, think before you speak.

Names in the Sand

"The name of a child is written on a mother's soul & engraved in the palm of God's hand"

Unconditional Love

The love a mother has for her children,
The love a father has for his children,
The love our Father has for us, His children
This is called Unconditional Love!

I love that the Lord loves us!
I love that the Lord blessed my husband & I with the children we have!
I love the child the Lord blessed my husband & I that grows in our heart!
This is called Unconditional Love!

What a love this is!


"Let us love one another, for love comes from God.
Everyone who loves has been born of God & knows God.
Whoever does not love does not know God, because God is love." 1John 4:7-8