October 15th - Pregnancy & Infant Loss Awareness Day

For Pregnancy and Infant Loss Awareness Day, we attended the 9th Annual Wave of Light here in our hometown. 

 

It was so peaceful and calm this night. There was no wind and it was quite warm. Seeing all of these luminaries lit up for all of the babies gone to soon, makes me sad, but I know we will be together soon. When I think of that, it makes my heart happy. Just to know that Jesus and my son will be waiting to greet me at the gates of Heaven. 

Blog Slacker

I am such a blog slacker! I have not written anything on here in months and lots has happened.

I just realized today that we only have 1 day left of September and then we begin October. October is a busy month for our family. 

Our local hospital will be hosting Walk to Remember on Saturday, October 5th at Memorial Park; October 15th is the World Wide Candle Light Vigil; October 18th we celebrate/remember our sweet angel, Nehemiah, for our 6th year in a row; October 21st my sweet girl, Andrea, turns 16. 

I plan on posting in my blog the Capture Your Grief Challenge that I did last year.  I had so much fun and it was actually therapeutic. "It doesn’t matter whether you are only a week into this walk or you have been walking this road for 50 years, all are welcome to join in."

Andrea had foot surgery almost 2 weeks ago to remove a cyst. However, there was nothing there when the doctor opened her foot up. Is she healed? Even the doctor does not know. We will have to wait and see.

Three weeks ago JD and I have began going to church together on Wednesday night to hear the book of Job. He is really excited about going and I pray everyday he continues in his excitement. We have tried doing things together this past year only to let Satan intervene and then we end up quitting. He says once Crispin is willing to stay in the nursery he will attend Sunday morning with the girls and I. 

Last weekend was Pure Rebellion out our church. This is the most radical event I have ever attended. I highly recommend everyone attend this if it is ever in your area. There were a few skits and one I recorded and put up on YouTube. This event is not just for youth, I was touched by the testimonies that were given that night.

I pray for blessings upon you all as I end this post this evening. 

5th Annual Candle Light Vigil

October is not only Breast Cancer Awareness, it is also Pregnancy & Infant Loss Awareness Month. October 15th is Pregnancy & Infant Loss Remembrance Day.

Every year on October 15th candles are lit at 7pm & burn for one hour all over the world for a continuous wave of light.

This year, just like years past, our local candle light vigil was at Medi Park. Here are a few pictures I was able to take & thought I would share.



As you can tell, we had quite a turn out. So sorry for the reason we were all together, but happy we have other people to share our story with who understand our pain. The weather was nice & candles cooperated.

Premonitions, Angelversary & Other Things

This month is flying by, it seems. If you had told me four years ago that I would be celebrating my baby was not going to make it & we would be a part of a select club, I would like to think that I would not have believed you.

Looking back though & thinking about all of the premonitions of what was about to happen during my short pregnancy, I think I already knew. I just did not know when it was going to take place exactly. I have heard other stories of people knowing it is close to the end for them, I truly believe we sometimes just know.

But here we are, just a week & few days away from being four years without our precious Nehemiah.

Now he is our special guardian angel. Watching us & showing us different things as we go about. We have met some special people we would probably never have met. We have been able to share our story to help others, a story would not have had it not been for our angel.

Saturday, October 15th is the Pregnancy & Infant Loss Awareness Day. We meet at a local park & light a candle for our lost little ones. It is overwhelming, but we feel we must do it. Then three days later is our Nehemiah's angelversary.

This is the first angelversary since our new addition to the family. Crispin of course will not understand what is going on. But one day we will be able to explain to it to him & he will know.

At times when Crispin is sitting up he looks up to the ceiling & holds his hands up in the air & smiles real big or when he smiles in his sleep, he has even laughed out loud while he is asleep. JD & I like to think he is playing with his big brother. It is really sweet!I have read different things about babies being angels before God sends them down to be our babies. I know it might be a little silly or there might actually be something to it. As well as I do not believe in reincarnation at all, but if an angel becoming our baby could be true, who really knows if maybe a part of it could be a reincarnation. Like this one particular angel was to be your baby & then God decides to send that angel to someone else instead because He has something greater planned for you. Ok I think I am rambling on now. I am trying to get to a story that I am not sure I have ever told before in a blog; however, I would like to share it anyway.

Last November I attended the 2nd Birthday of an angel baby. While I was sitting at the table a small boy (about 2 or 3) came & sat beside me & his mom sat on my other side. He kept smiling at me & rambling about different things to me. His mom told me that he does not talk to just anyone. I just listened & could not stop staring at him. He was a little chubby fella with short light brown hair, a dimple in his cheek, light brown eyes & light brown skin. I just thought to myself, that is exactly how Nehemiah would look if he were here today. It would have really been something if his name had been Nehemiah, wouldn't it?

I know there are things that just cannot be explained & this is one of them.

I think I am now done with my rambling for the day. Please continue to pray for all the moms & dads all over the world who are having to continue living without their precious children. On October 15th light your candle at 7pm & let it burn for one hour for a continuous wave of light. If you live in the Amarillo area, you are more than welcome to attend the Candle Light Vigil at Medi Park at the playground by the Discovery Center, from 7pm-10pm.

Pregnancy & Infant Loss Awareness Month

October is Pregnancy & Infant Loss Awareness Month.

If you live in the Amarillo area here are a few things going on this month you may participate either as an angel parent, angel grandparent, angel sibling, angel aunt, angel cousin, angel uncle, friend of any of these listed, etc.
"A Walk to Remember"
Saturday, October 1, 2011 @ 10 am
Memorial Park-Area # 1( east side of park) 2400 South Washington.
This walk is for parents, grandparents, siblings, health-care professionals, friends to observe National Pregnancy & Infant Loss Awareness Month.

World Wide Wave of Light
5th Annual Pregnancy and Infant Loss Candlelight Vigil!
Saturday, October 15 · 7:00pm - 10:00pm
Amarillo Botanical Gardens (next to the playground)
1400 Streit Dr. Amarillo, Texas

Pregnancy & Infant Loss Remembrance Day

For those of you in the Amarillo area, today is the official Pregnancy & Infant Loss Candle Light Vigil.

It is held annually at Medi Park on Streit Street at 7pm. Come out & remember your precious angel or if you know someone who has lost a baby come out for them. There is a balloon release following.

If you cannot make it out to the park, light a candle at 7pm & let it burn for one hour for a continuous wave of light.

October

We are entering our third year of having an angel baby. It has gotten easier to bear, but our hearts still ache for our little baby boy. Not too many people ask me questions anymore & sometimes I feel like people have forgotten or think because we are expecting & because this baby is a boy, that we have forgotten or just gotten over Nehemiah. Not by a long shot!

This month is Pregnancy & Infant Loss Awareness Month. So on October 15th we plan to go to Medi Park for the 4th annual Candle Light Vigil @ 7pm.
I have not planned anything for his birthday yet. Last year we gave out Forget Me Not seed packets with a picture of his hands & a poem & the four of us released balloons.

I ask that each one of you light a candle on the 15th for all the angels. Let it burn for one hour for a continuous wave of light.

Happy Birthday/Angelversary!

Happy 2nd Birthday/Angelversary
Nehemiah Christopher Reyna!

We love you & miss you dear boy.

The four of us plan to go to Medi Park today & release balloons with messages. We will feed the ducks as well. It is hard to imagine that 2 years have gone by. During this time it has gotten easier. Not to say we are totally over this love, it is still hard to see newborn babies & to see babies at the age he would be.

I have tried picturing how he would look. When my oldest daughter Andrea was born, she had thin pink lips, hair covering her body from head to toe & the hair on her head was as black as night & thick as could be. She never lost her hair as most babies do, so it grew out nice & long. She has dark eyes, you cannot even see the pupil. She has her daddy's nose & ears (hopefully they won't get as big) & she has my smile. I have literally walked into a room & smiled & had people say, "We know who you are here for...Andrea your mom's here!". She has really long toes & fingers & she is 5'2 at 11 years old. We need to get her into playing basketball. She is really smart & talented. She may become a singer/songwriter. She use to make up the best & silliest songs. Or she could become president one day..she is bossy! Ask her cousins & her sister. She loves to talk, especially on the phone, so she may become a public speaker. Over the years we have kept a little binder for school & one question it asks is "What do you want to become when you grow up?", for the first two years she has custodian in it...lol For now she wants to be a doctor. I guess we will wait & see.

When Makaila was born, she had a full set of pink lips & she had hair from her head to her toes. Her hair was thinner & a little lighter than her sister's had been. Her hair fell out in the back & on the sides, so she had a baby mo-hawk for a while. The funny thing I remember about her hair though is when it grew back in it looked layered & it got lighter. She has golden streaks along her hairline & streaks running through it. People would stop me & ask if I had her hair cut into layers & added highlights. She has natural waves & body. This girl has the best hair ever, excluding the two cowlicks in the back that go in opposite directions, so I have to make sure & comb it wet to make sure it lays down. Her eyes are not so dark, more of a topaz color. She has her daddy's dimples. But her smile is a little different, it is radiating! Sometimes if I am mad & she smiles at me, it makes me stop being mad. She loves animals & dressing up (& going topless at the same time). Right now she is at that stage where she wants to do what sister does & sister gets rather annoyed by it. I just have to sit back & laugh as it is a little like dej a vu. She is silly & loves to be the clown. She loves to be called Beethoven & pretend to be a puppy. She is very smart as well & loves to read. She is girly yet holds her own at the same time. She is petite, where her sister has always been one of the tallest in her class, but she has a rather big head like her cousins (you know who you are..lol). She is in love with John Cena & wants to marry him one day. Or she may be the next Taylor Swift, as she knows all of the words to her songs & loves to sing.

So, when I try to imagine Nehemiah, I always wonder if he would have had his daddy's ears or nose. Would he have had a full head of hair that was dark or light. Would he have the thin layer of hair on his body & long eye lashes like his sisters do? Would his skin tone be olive like his oldest sister or a little paler like his middle sister? Would he like to sing or play football? Would he have been a mama's boy or a daddy's boy? Would he fight with his sisters or would they have babied him? Would his eyes be dark or light? I usually imagine him looking like a little JD & laughing as loud as Makaila & Andrea giving him piggyback rides.

We miss you little one & only hope we make you proud!

Love,
Mommy, Daddy, Andrea & Makaila



P.S. October 15th was Pregnancy & Infant Loss Remembrance Day. We went out to the candlelight vigil & I read two poems. I could not believe I had actually gotten up there to read them, but I had taken a look around the circle & that gave me the courage to do it. Originally I was going to read just one, I'll Be There, but a friend of mine had asked me to read the poem "Somebody" that I had posted earlier. I did not write either of these poems, but I love to share ones I find on the world wide web. It was a really nice night. Not too cold & the candles stayed lit. There were more people there this year than last year.