Death is...

Milliseconds away
Not an option
Personal
An illusion
Sleep
Not dying
A mystery
Sought
Not glamorous
Real
Different
Silent
Not the end
Just the beginning
In store
Not dull
A familiar tragedy
Inevitable
Oddly life enhancing
Not the same
The road to awe

Death & Grief

Death is a part of Life. You can't have life without death. Grief is death's best friend. Grief likes to torture us & give us headaches. We all lose & grieve in our lifetime. Some not to the extent as others, but we all experience it one way or another.

I know you have read me say this before, but grief is like a punch in the gut, it takes your breath away. Some days it feels like you are going to die yourself. You are thinking your heart just cannot take anymore or it will explode!

When I hear someone has lost a baby or child, it tears at my heartstrings. More now than it did before my own loss. I use to only be able to say "I can only imagine". Now, I can say "I know".

I never try to compare my grief or my feelings to another person's, as they may not feel the same way I did at that moment. I know grief is grief, but I do not think one should say to another "I know how you feel". Really? How do you know? Yes, you have been at the same crossroad & have had the same outcome, but you do not know how that person is feeling. I say wait it out & if they talk to you & their feelings are in fact the same as yours once were, then I think it is safe to say you know. You never want to downplay someone else's grief, nor make it your own.

In the beginning I cried day & night. Everything set me off. I would beg for God to hurry up & let six months pass. My thinking was, in six months I will be over this. I will be better & I can start over. Not everyone prays for life to pass them by when they lose someone. Some do not cry day & night.

I have met a few mothers who have just wanted to hurry & have another child & seem to be fine with that. Yes, they have bad days & are sad, but not to the extent of losing it right there in front of me. They are cool & calm, not the way I would say I had handled it. I never held back. If I was having a panic attack or just needed to bawl, I started right then & there. I did not want another child & I knew for me, it would not help me one bit in doing so. I needed to just be left alone to grieve with my husband.

I do not grieve the same way as I did 4-years ago, but I still grieve. I know that I have since been blessed with a precious baby boy, but that will never take away my pain & sorrow. My heart is scarred & will never be healed. It can be ripped open at any moment & I will grieve again. I just know how to live with grief in my life now. It will never go away while I am alive here on earth & I am okay with that, now.

Today I pray for peace & comfort for parents & grandparents who have lost their baby/grand-baby or child/grandchild. It is devastating & not something anyone of us would wish on our worst enemy. I would wish crabs or something, but not for their child to be taken by death.

The Sovereign Lord

For death begins with life's first breath and life begins at the touch of death.
~John Oxemham

"In that day He will remove the cloud of gloom, the shadow of death that hangs over the earth. He will swallow up death forever! The Sovereign LORD will wipe away all tears." Isaiah 25:7-8

Mommy, Please Don't Cry.....

There are No Tears in Heaven.

Written by: Linda Dey Maz
Illustrations by: Laurie Snow Hein

I read this book after a girl from our support group suggested it. I do not want to copy it word for word, but I would like to share somethings from it, along with the scriptures printed in it.

"Mommy, please don't cry...
A beautiful angel carried me here!"
Let the little children come to Me, and do not hinder them for the kingdom of God belongs to such as these. Luke 18:15-17
"I met Jesus today, Mommy!
Ha cradled me in His arms.
He made me feel so happy inside."

He will wipe every tear from their eyes.
There will be no more death or mourning or crying or pain,
for the old order of things has passed away. Revelations 21:4

"When it's time to rest angels tuck us in,
I never get scared mommy,
there is no darkness here!
Jesus is the light of Heaven."

Take heed that you do not despise one of these little ones, for I say to you that in heaven their angels always see the face of my Father who is in heaven. Matthew 18:10

"Mommy, please don't cry...
I'll wait right here for you."

I am Blessed this Day

The sun is shining, no one is sick, the girls are playing together nicely (for now) & JD is still asleep. I would say I am truly blessed! The dog even blessed me this morning w/the trash dumped over in the kitchen & poop @ the backdoor.

I got up this morning to read some blogs & discovered that life is short. We need to get together more often, hold each other a little tighter, love everyone unconditionally, make amends w/our enemies, be patient, hold no grudges, be a friend, laugh when we fall, cry when we feel like crying, sing even if we do not sound good, shake hands w/children, smile at a stranger, say hello to people we meet, dance in the rain, play outside till dark, run until our hearts feel like bursting, jump on the bed, read a good book, snuggle w/the one we love, stop to smell the roses, look around instead of down while we walk, pick up trash we see on the ground, drink in the moment......for some of us we only have a moment.

I had a cousin pass away last year after a 2 year battle w/throat cancer. She made her own funeral arrangements; from who would do her service to what music would be sang. Afterward my dad asked if we would rather know when we were going to die or if we would want to die unexpectedly. I am still undecided on this question. I think we should tell everyone now how we feel & that way we will have no regrets, but it would be nice to be able to tell everyone good-bye one last time, I just would not want to suffer. So, my question is, which would you rather choose?
I am heartbroken to learn when a parent outlives their child. And if the child had to suffer an illness before they finally leave is gut wrenching. Some days I am grateful I lost my son the way I did & that my other children are healthy, for I do not think I am a strong enough person to deal w/my child(ren) suffering before they leave.



Blessed be the God and Father of our Lord Jesus Christ, who according to His abundant mercy has begotten us again to a living hope through there resurrection of Jesus Christ from the dead. 1Peter 1:3

Angelversary Memorial Ideas

An Angelversary is a term used typically to refer to the one year date of your baby's birth and/or passing. It can also refer to any number of important dates regarding your angel baby. On this page we give you a number of ideas on how to celebrate these special dates.

1. Wear something special: Have a shirt made up with your child's name & angel date on it, or a picture. You could wear special jewelry or a brooch that reminds you of your baby.
2. Buy baby a gift: To keep or donate to another baby in your baby's honor.
3. Send a message: Write a letter to your baby & burn it or put it in a memory box.
4. Pamper yourself: Go to the spa.
5. Visit your child's resting place: Take flowers or balloons & visit a while.
6. Take baby some place new: You can go somewhere different every year & take pictures of this special place to put into a scrapbook.
7. Send a letter to family & friends: Send them a special memory or thought you want to share about your baby.
8. Have a birthday party: Have cake & ice cream with family & friends. Take up donations instead of gifts to donate to a local charity.
9. Go out to eat: Find a restaurant to go to every year & maybe see if you are able to reserve a table under your baby's name you can sit at every year. Many cultures honor the gift of food and water to those who have passed on.
10. Release balloons or butterflies: You can attach a note to the balloons to send to your angel baby.
11. Volunteer: Using this day to volunteer in honor of your child can be very healing & nurturing.
12. Help someone else with a loss: There are countless ways in which you can help others who have experienced a loss. ideas
13. In name of Gift: One way to keep your child's memory & name alive is to buy an "in name of" gift. You can buy a star named after your child or give a financial contribution to a deserving charity among other things.
14. Light a candle: A very simple & calming way to honor your child is to light a candle for them.
15. Specific cultural or spiritual ceremony: There are numerous cultural & spiritual ceremonies that can be performed in honor of your child.
16. Create/View art and/or music: You can create a special piece of art or music to honor your child on this day. Alternatively you can view beautiful art or listen to beautiful music on this day perhaps even purchase some to put inside your memory box or scrapbook.
17. Fast: Fasting is a good way to cleanse the soul.
18. Read poetry, book, or other piece of literature: Thee are many healing, loving, inspirational pieces of literature in the world that you can read on this special day. You can read it aloud to your family, you can read it to your angel baby, or do so privately.
19. Connect with other angel families - You are not alone. Others with angel babies know how important it is to honor your Angelversary. You can talk to others in a local support group, someone you know personally, or families online.
20. Living object: You can plant something in honor of your beloved child.
21. Journal and/or Scrapbooks memories: On this special day you can choose to journal special memories or thoughts for your child.
22. Memorial notice in newspaper: You may quite easily buy space in the local newspaper for a memorial notice.
23. Adopt a pet: Pets are great healers
24. Engage in a random act of kindness: A beautiful thing to do is perform a random act of kindness. Think of someone you know who could use a little help or uplifting gift.
25. Go on vacation: You can be happy & have fun while honoring your angel baby!

St. Christopher

(Story according to Wikipedia)

The Golden Legend

According to the account in the Golden Legend by Jacobus de Voragine, Christopher was a Canaanite 12 cubits (18 ft) tall and with a fearsome face. While serving the king of Canaan, he took it into his head to go and serve the greatest king there was. He went to the king who was reputed to be the greatest, but one day he saw the king cross himself at the mention of the devil. On thus learning that the king feared the devil, he departed to look for the devil. He came across a band of marauders, one of whom declared himself to be the devil, so Christopher decided to serve him. But when he saw his new master avoid a wayside cross and found out that the devil feared Christ, he left him and inquired from people where to find Christ. He met a hermit who instructed him in the Christian faith. Christopher asked him how he could serve Christ. When the hermit suggested fasting and prayer, Christopher replied that he was unable to perform that service. The hermit then suggested that because of his size and strength Christopher could serve Christ by assisting people to cross a dangerous river, where many were perishing in the attempt. The hermit promised that this service would be pleasing to Christ.

After Christopher had performed this service for some time, a little child asked him to take him across the river. During the crossing, the river became swollen and the child seemed as heavy as lead, so much that Christopher could scarcely carry him and found himself in great difficulty. When he finally reached the other side, he said to the child: "You have put me in the greatest danger. I do not think the whole world could have been as heavy on my shoulders as you were." The child replied: "You had on your shoulders not only the whole world but him who made it. I am Christ your king, whom you are serving by this work." The child then vanished.

Christopher later visited the city of Lycia and there comforted the Christians who were being martyred. Brought before the local king, he refused to sacrifice to the pagan gods. The king tried to win him by riches and by sending two beautiful women to tempt him. Christopher converted the women to Christianity, as he had already converted thousands in the city. The king ordered him to be killed. Various attempts failed, but finally Christopher was decapitated.

I'll Say a Little Prayer For You.....

Good Sunday & Happy New Year!

We all need someone else to say a prayer for us some time, right? Let me know if you would like me to add you to my prayer list.

Question of the Moment.....

There is no foot too small that it cannot leave an imprint on this world.

If our parents die, we become Orphans
If our spouse dies, we become Widow(er)s If our child dies, what do we become?

Grief is Ok

Grieving the Loss of a Child

Grieving the loss of a child takes on many forms. For many, grieving is an actual physical, mental and emotional process that can take years to process. For others, grief is more of an internal struggle that is rarely ever seen. Losing a child is one of the worst experiences parents can ever face. So learning to understand their grief is just one step in helping them see brighter days.
When a woman loses her child -- whether it be a baby who died in the womb or one who was 40 years old -- a part of her dies as well.

Grieving the Loss of a Baby

From the moment she receives a positive pregnancy test, this woman starts bonding with her unborn baby. She is the one who senses the flutters, kicks and jabs, as she is also the one who feels the morning sickness, sciatic nerve discomfort and for some, labor pains. In all essence, the woman is the one who knows the baby best.

So when that baby dies during the pregnancy or soon thereafter, the mother will not only emotionally feel the loss, but physically as well. Women whose babies die before or shortly after birth will still have their breasts produce milk, they may have horrible stretch marks and the may actually even feel "phantom kicks" or hear "phantom cries." Women still have to physically deliver a baby even if they know that he or she has died or will so shortly. So, it's not uncommon for her to physically grieve for her child. In every possible way, her body is telling her she is mother, but in reality, there is no baby in her arms. Some ways women physically grieve their loss is by:

* Clutching their arms to their breasts as they feel their milk supply come in
* Subconsciously rubbing their bellies as if their babies are still growing and kicking inside
* Holding a stuffed animal, doll or even a baby blanket close to them, sometimes rocking back and forth
* Waking up several times at night hearing a baby's cry
* Being too tired to get out of bed in the morning or to keep up with any daily routines
* Losing or gaining large amounts of weight
* Uncontrollable crying at any given time
* Other physical changes to the body including hair loss, brittle nails and a change in complexion, vision, agility and appetite.

The Elephant in the Room

THE ELEPHANT IN THE ROOM
By Terry Kettering

There’s an elephant in the room.
It is large and squatting,
so it is hard to get around it.

Yet we squeeze by with,
“How are you?” and, “I’m fine,”
and a thousand other forms of trivial chatter.

We talk about the weather;
we talk about work;
we talk about everything else—
except the elephant in the room.

There’s an elephant in the room.
We all know it is there.
We are thinking about the elephant
as we talk together.

It is constantly on our minds.
For, you see, it is a very big elephant.
It has hurt us all, but we do not talk about
the elephant in the room.

Oh, please, say her name.
Oh, please, say “Barbara” again.
Oh, please, let’s talk about
the elephant in the room.

For if we talk about her death,
perhaps we can talk about her life.
Can I say, “Barbara” to you
and not have you look away?
For if I cannot,
then you are leaving me alone
in a room—with an elephant.

Angel Baby

A heartbeat falls silent.
Tiny eyes close.
A miniature body.
No longer grows.
..
Mommy is shattered.
Daddy is sad.
Fate has erased
The plans that they had.
..
Through all of the grief
that leaves their hearts torn,
There's peace in knowing
An angel was born.