Thursday, December 18, 2008

Grief is Ok

Grieving the Loss of a Child

Grieving the loss of a child takes on many forms. For many, grieving is an actual physical, mental and emotional process that can take years to process. For others, grief is more of an internal struggle that is rarely ever seen. Losing a child is one of the worst experiences parents can ever face. So learning to understand their grief is just one step in helping them see brighter days.

When a woman loses her child -- whether it be a baby who died in the womb or one who was 40 years old -- a part of her dies as well.

Grieving the Loss of a Baby

From the moment she receives a positive pregnancy test, this woman starts bonding with her unborn baby. She is the one who senses the flutters, kicks and jabs, as she is also the one who feels the morning sickness, sciatic nerve discomfort and for some, labor pains. In all essence, the woman is the one who knows the baby best.

So when that baby dies during the pregnancy or soon thereafter, the mother will not only emotionally feel the loss, but physically as well. Women whose babies die before or shortly after birth will still have their breasts produce milk, they may have horrible stretch marks and the may actually even feel "phantom kicks" or hear "phantom cries." Women still have to physically deliver a baby even if they know that he or she has died or will so shortly. So, it's not uncommon for her to physically grieve for her child. In every possible way, her body is telling her she is mother, but in reality, there is no baby in her arms. Some ways women physically grieve their loss is by:

* Clutching their arms to their breasts as they feel their milk supply come in
* Subconsciously rubbing their bellies as if their babies are still growing and kicking inside
* Holding a stuffed animal, doll or even a baby blanket close to them, sometimes rocking back and forth
* Waking up several times at night hearing a baby's cry
* Being too tired to get out of bed in the morning or to keep up with any daily routines
* Losing or gaining large amounts of weight
* Uncontrollable crying at any given time
* Other physical changes to the body including hair loss, brittle nails and a change in complexion, vision, agility and appetite.

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