Grief is Hard

I am member of a grief forum online. In this group there are mothers who have lost their children to drug overdoses, killed by drunk drivers, murdered, suicide, SIDS, during delivery, during pregnancy, etc. It gets to me a little bit reading every story & looking at every picture. I try to limit my time on there per day as it can make you a bit paranoid & depressed.

Everyone knows that there is a time & place for politics & religion & I for one, do not believe in a group setting of difference of opinion you should bring up either unless you are ready for a war. 

"Where is your GOD, while my baby was dying?" was the caption under their child's picture. I felt compelled to answer this question, as well as a few other ladies. Some answers were not what I thought of our God, some answers were right on point with what the bible says, etc. I actually had not thought this particular "discussion" was getting out of hand. Mom's were giving their two cents worth & no one was getting mad. When all of a sudden a commenter took it too far. Cursing God & actually cursing me, as well as all the other "bible beaters". I sucked in my breath & kept my composure. Not like this woman was going to listen to what I had to say anyway. The whole post was deleted eventually anyway.

I understand when parents are new in grief that it is hard. There are more questions than answers. I understand that not everyone believes in our loving God. I do not judge, it is not my place. I still pray for every parent that is living the rest of their life without their children, every day. People do not realize there is a Satan too as they are bashing God. It actually just breaks my heart.

A few posts I read just make me confused. For example, "I do not know if I believe in God, but will you pray for me anyway?" When I am thinking, if you do not believe, what would you like me to pray for exactly? or "I trusted God & believed in Him & then this happened! Why?" When I am thinking, if you ever really believed & had faith, how can you question Him?

I am sure I sounded like a few women in the forum. After I lost Nehemiah, I would get so mad when I would hear of someone else finding out they were pregnant, especially if they were not married, used drugs, did not have a job, did not take care of themselves or their existing children.

Then one day, JD told me to just snapped out of it! He was right. Who in the world put me in charge? For one I was that teenage, unwed mother & I am sure there were plenty of women who hated me. 

I am just really thankful that our God is an understanding God. We fall down, He lifts us up. We get angry with Him, He forgives. 



I can do all things through Christ who strengthens me. Philippians 4:13

Team Nehemiah-March for Babies 2012

This past Saturday was our March for Babies walk & we had a blast!

 

We had a small group this year, but it was still really nice.

 Our team total for this year was $1,131.00!

Can't wait for next year! 

Live Life

Grief is a mysterious thing in that you never know when it will hit. Sometimes right away, sometimes it takes a few days, months, etc. It does not always happen all at once, could last a while or it could be brief.

I have been asked how am I "ok" after my loss or how did I not blame God & I just say because my strength comes from the Lord. However, I have been thinking a lot about different stories that I have heard along my journey & I can honestly say that if my child had had to suffer with an illness or maybe one of my living children passed away without any explanation, what would my faith be like then? However, I pray I never find out.

I personally feel that God did not take us instead of our children for a reason. I am not sure what that reason is & one day hope to find out. I just know that I am not going to lie down & say that my life is over & be a complete wreck all the days of my life. God granted me life & I know that my child would not want to look down at me from Heaven & see a torn, shattered, beaten down woman, who is not taking care of herself & her other children. He would want to see his mother living her life & sharing his memory with all who will listen.

I guess what I am trying to say is, we still have a life to live, so why waste it?

Happy Easter Weekend

I get so emotional during Easter weekend. Listening to praise and worship music, listening to the story of Jesus' death.

The story of our Lord and Savior dying for US brings me to tears. Just to think that one man, 33 years of age (the age I am at this very moment), was beaten and stabbed with a spear, was made to carry His own cross through town and listen to people cheer. For what? For US!

I could not fathom my child being born to die on the cross for the greater good of humanity. Especially with the way most of the world acts. However, I am very thankful that there was a man who was willing to take the stakes for you and I. I tell Him everyday!




"For God so loved the world that he gave his one and only Son, that whoever believes in him shall not perish but have eternal life." John 3:16

My Mission, My Responsiblity

As our lives keep going, after a life has been loss, we must be their voice to let people know they were HERE!

As a mother it is my responsibility to keep my precious Nehemiah's memory alive. I know I did not get to share his physical being with those around me, but he was alive inside of me for almost 20 weeks! I felt him growing and kicking and even got to see him wiggling around the sonogram screen on two different occasions. However, I will always remember that day that I saw him laying lifeless on that same screen.

That is why the March of Dimes is so close to my heart. Because there are babies who not even make it that far, who almost make it to 40 weeks and then it is decided they are "Too Precious for Earth" and then there are the babies who are born so early, the have to start out fighting for their lives. We also have those special babies that are born with defects. These children have a fight they must fight for the rest of their lives, however short or long it may be.

Even when our children are born healthy, they are still affected by the March of Dimes in many ways.

Raising money and walking for the March of Dimes' March for Babies is my way of keeping Nehemiah's being alive. It is my mission to help the March of Dimes' fight to prevent such instances. Each baby conceived should have a fighting chance.

Won't you support me in the fight for ALL babies!