It is like God is leading me to certain people to give & get encouraging words.
Some of the blogs I have read, the person's whole life has been completely turned upside down & inside out, but they continue to have trust & love in Christ. I think it is awesome!
I do not recall a time being mad directly at God when I lost my son. I remember being mad at myself or just the fact of not having him here with me. But I can honestly say I have not been mad at God. I am not saying I am perfect for this, because I am not. I admit I have mentioned times that it sucks & it being unfair. I have asked WHY? a thousand times. Was I not good enough, did I do something wrong, am I horrible mom to the ones I have, do I not deserve any more? But I have never cursed God nor turned my back on Him. If anything, this has actually brought me closer to Him. (Amen)
One day I was asking myself, why do we have to be so sad when someone dies? What about death makes us so sad? Why can't we be happy & joyful that they are lying in waiting for our Savior to come get them?
I praise God for giving me my little time I had to share with my son. Even though he was not breathing when he was born, he was surely alive inside my womb! I got to see him on the sonogram screen at 12 weeks moving around so much. It was like watching a fish in water!! I started feeling him move at 15+ weeks. I love those two things the most, besides when I got to see him after he was born.
Those are my memories I will hold on to for now. I know in my heart that one day Jesus is going to come back down to earth & take us all home. Then, I will get to play with my son & be with him for all eternity.
One more thing before I go, I am turning it ALL over to God, right this moment! I have believed my whole life that Jesus is my savior, but I know that I have not completely given it to Him yet. I trust Him & know He is the alpha & omega, the beginning & the end. I will walk in His path & I will let Him lead instead of me trying to lead myself & glorify You always. Jesus take my heart & make it Yours. My will is Your will. Amen
Before I go here is one thing my friend David Ramos twittered about & I wanted to share: "I always had a problem w/ the bumper sticker: Jesus Is My Co-Pilot. -He should be in total control! I dare u to try it. Give him the Wheel!"
3 comments:
Jenny I am so glad you have been able to et to that point for Him to be in total control of your life and change you completely from the inside out. I pray that you continue to read the Word to know what that means.
A passage I think definitely fits your thoughts here:
1 Thessalonians 4:13-18 "But we do not want you to be uninformed, brethren, about those who are asleep, so that you will not grieve as do the rest who have no hope. For if we believe that Jesus died and rose again, even so God will bring with Him those who have fallen asleep in Jesus.
For this we say to you by the word of the Lord, that we who are alive and remain until the coming of the Lord, will not precede those who have fallen asleep. For the Lord Himself will descend from heaven with a shout, with the voice of the archangel and with the trumpet of God, and the dead in Christ will rise first. Then we who are alive and remain will be caught up together with them in the clouds to meet the Lord in the air, and so we shall always be with the Lord. Therefore comfort one another with these words."
I think that whole chapter would be a good read. Also for all to know that the loss is not about your being good enough. Death is totally and completely about SIN.(See Romans 6:23) About the first sin to the last and how from the first sin death entered the world and will remain as a consequence to remind us that we are separated from the relationship with God that He intended. So that we will find our hope in Him and His Son who made it possible to have the relationship made right between man/woman and God.
i think this is the best post yet. life is a journey as is this walk with God. things, as you know, don't change over-night. God never said this journey would be easy, He just said you wouldn't have to go alone! i'm here if you ever need anything and i look forward to having great conversations about what God is doing in your life!
Jas 4:8 Draw near to God and He will draw near to you.
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