It is like God is leading me to certain people to give & get encouraging words.
Some of the blogs I have read, the person's whole life has been completely turned upside down & inside out, but they continue to have trust & love in Christ. I think it is awesome!
I do not recall a time being mad directly at God when I lost my son. I remember being mad at myself or just the fact of not having him here with me. But I can honestly say I have not been mad at God. I am not saying I am perfect for this, because I am not. I admit I have mentioned times that it sucks & it being unfair. I have asked WHY? a thousand times. Was I not good enough, did I do something wrong, am I horrible mom to the ones I have, do I not deserve any more? But I have never cursed God nor turned my back on Him. If anything, this has actually brought me closer to Him. (Amen)
One day I was asking myself, why do we have to be so sad when someone dies? What about death makes us so sad? Why can't we be happy & joyful that they are lying in waiting for our Savior to come get them?
I praise God for giving me my little time I had to share with my son. Even though he was not breathing when he was born, he was surely alive inside my womb! I got to see him on the sonogram screen at 12 weeks moving around so much. It was like watching a fish in water!! I started feeling him move at 15+ weeks. I love those two things the most, besides when I got to see him after he was born.
Those are my memories I will hold on to for now. I know in my heart that one day Jesus is going to come back down to earth & take us all home. Then, I will get to play with my son & be with him for all eternity.
One more thing before I go, I am turning it ALL over to God, right this moment! I have believed my whole life that Jesus is my savior, but I know that I have not completely given it to Him yet. I trust Him & know He is the alpha & omega, the beginning & the end. I will walk in His path & I will let Him lead instead of me trying to lead myself & glorify You always. Jesus take my heart & make it Yours. My will is Your will. Amen
Before I go here is one thing my friend David Ramos twittered about & I wanted to share: "I always had a problem w/ the bumper sticker: Jesus Is My Co-Pilot. -He should be in total control! I dare u to try it. Give him the Wheel!"
