Troubling Minds

I have been a part of a support group here in our local town & also a part of some online groups. Reading so many different stories of how parents have lost their children, during pregnancy all the way to adulthood. I have learned no one is ever prepared & no one is immune to tragedy!

I have come across stories recently & once I have read the story I am so heartbroken at times I wish I had not just read that or God gives me words to share. It can, at times, make a person paranoid about their own children. At the same time, it makes me humble & love my children a little more than I already do.

When I flash back to being in labor with Andrea, I think back about how they had sent us home once & were going to send us home again when my water broke. I am so lucky that they kept me. One) I was already over due & Two) I could have lost her if I had went home to stay because of her cord being around her neck. I have read similar cases to mine where the mom waited to go to the hospital & her baby did not make it or they were past their due date & the baby passed before the doctors decided to induce.

Then, I think about when I went into labor with Makaila. How we took our time getting to the hospital & being all nonchalant about the whole ordeal, just for her to go into fetal distress after the doctor checked my cervix. Did she go into fetal distress because she checked me? Would she have went into distress if we would have taken just a little more time? I read a story similar to mine that did not have a happy ending. I could never imagine how my life would be without her.

Also, when I was pregnant with Makaila, a co-worker lost her son at 6 1/2 months. He was due just a few weeks before Makaila. The remainder of my pregnancy I just thought, "That could be me".

It is enough to make a person have an anxiety attack. However, I know when enough is enough & I need to step away from the computer & I know when God had lead me to someone that I need to share my story of Nehemiah with or just to give them some words of kindness. I think He also gives me the opportunity to let these people show me something or to remind me that I am blessed with my little Earth angels.

Thank you God for blessing me with my three Earth angels & my Heaven angel. I pray for patience & the wisdom to raise my children the way You want me to Lord. Please be with those parents who had to say good-bye for now & may they have peace in their hearts. ~Amen

Rainbow Baby

I know I have posted a few times regarding our "Rainbow" baby & thought I would share a little insight to what that means exactly.
"Rainbow Babies" are the understanding that the beauty of a rainbow does not negate the ravages of the storm. When a rainbow appears, it does not mean that the storm never happened or that the family is not still dealing with its aftermath. What it means is that something beautiful and full of light has appeared in the midst of the darkness and the clouds. Storm clouds may still loom over but the rainbow provides a counterbalance of color, energy, and much needed hope.

Reflections of 2011

I can hardly believe how fast the year flew by! Time truly does not stand still, not for those just having fun & not even for the brokenhearted.

We had a stupendous year & I pray it only gets better. Here is a little reflection of the past year.

Our Perfect "Rainbow" baby was born! (1/12/11)

The girls were over the moon!

Our Sweet Girl turned 8! (3/03/11)

March for Babies was a Success!
Our team raised a little over $500! (4/30/11)

Easter was a Blast! (4/24/11)

Our Summer Vacation was Awesome! (June 2011)

We have a 3rd grader & an 8th grader! (Aug. 2011)

Nehemiah's Angelversary was
on a Beautiful day! (10/18/11)

Our Beautiful girl turned 14! (10/21/11)
Here w/two of her girlfriends.

Halloween was Frightful! (10/31/11)

Thanksgiving w/my brothers;
so Thankful today! (11/24/11)

Christmas was Glorious! (12/25/11)Toast to the New Year! (1/01/12)

Now that we are starting a new year, I pray it is just as Perfect, Sweet, Successful, a Blast, Awesome, Beautiful, Frightful, Thankful, Glorious, & worth a Toast for each one of you!


"Seek first God's kingdom & His righteousness, & all these things will be given to you as well." Matthew 6:33

Happy New Year's Eve

As the year closes I would like to say I pray each of you have a new year full of blessings! May your relationships grow stronger, your pocketbooks feel a bit fuller & your faith grow everlasting.

For those of you planning to party, please be responsible & safe. Even buzz driving carries a risk of taking a life.

With all the love in the world, Love,
"Let the morning bring me word of Your unfailing love, for I have put my trust in You.
Show me the way I should go, for to You I lift up my soul." Psalm 143:8

Relationships are Work

Well, Christmas has come & gone. The girls enjoyed their gifts from Santa & from the family. Crispin did not know what to think or what is going on, of course since he is a baby. hehe We had good fellowship & food. JD made us his famous brisket, which is delicious & not just because he is my hubby, but because it really is!

Unfortunately we received sad news that a kid we grew up with was killed in a car wreck early Christmas morning on his way to work. It is just a simple reminder that life is not guaranteed. We should always look at ourselves & our lives to see where we are with relationships & in our lives.

Do we have a relationship that needs mending? Do we have a situation that needs to be taken care of? A wrong that needs to be made right? You may have to be the bigger person & initiate the conversation. Even if you do not think you were the one in the wrong. Or maybe you know you are the one to blame & do not know what to say. How about start with, "I'm sorry". See where it goes. It may even take more than one time to initiate the conversation.I pray this new year you find the time to work on your relationships whether it is with God, your parents, siblings, etc.

Now, this is the time to take care of things. A few moments, a few days, a few weeks, a month, Tomorrow, could be too late.



"Be completely humble & gentle; be patient, baring with one another with love. Make every effort to keep the unity of the Spirit through the bond of peace." Ephesians 4:2-3

Come & Gone

Well, Christmas has come & gone. The girls enjoyed their gifts from Santa & from the family. Crispin did not know what to think or what is going on, of course since he is a baby. hehe We had good fellowship & food. JD made us his famous brisket, which is delicious & not just because he is my hubby, but because it really is!

Unfortunately we received sad news that a kid we grew up with was killed in a car wreck. It is just a simple reminder that life is not guaranteed. We should always look out ourselves & our lives to see where we are with relationships & in our lives.

Do we have a relationship that needs mending? Do we have a situation that needs to be taken care of? A wrong that needs to be made right? I pray this new year you find the time to work on your relationships whether it is with God, your parents, siblings, etc.

Now, this is the time to take care of things. A few moments, a few days, a few weeks, a months, Tomorrow, could be too late.


"Be completely humble & gentle; be patient, baring with one another with love. Make every effort to keep the unity of the Spirit through the bond of peace." Ephesians 4:2-3

Traditions to Honor

CHRISTmas is gaining on us fast!

Every year while we are decorating our tree, ask my girls what the meaning of CHRISTmas is & Makaila usually chimes in first. We talk about the reason we give & receive presents is because of the presents that were given to Jesus & the gift of life He gave us by dying on the cross. She loves to hear the stories of Jesus & the angels & tell them just the same. This year she told us that CHRISTmas is about being together & loving one another!

When I think about how many children I have to buy CHRISTmas presents for, I always think about him, because I know there is one present I will not be buying. Every year we take all of our clothes & toys to the Faith City Mission. Andrea has been donating her toys since she was a toddler. We only had to explain to her once that there is a man who has many children & he cannot afford to buy them clothes & toys, so she is being like a big sister giving her stuff to these children. I have never had to fight with her or Makaila & for that I am grateful.

I am thinking next year we are going to pick an angel from the Angel Tree that Salvation Army does & buy for that angel. I am going to make this a yearly tradition & it will be like I am buying for Nehemiah. This year we bought for a friend of mine's son. I would do the angel tree this year, but I believe the deadline has passed.

What family traditions can you start to remember someone by?

Memory Lane

Isn't it crazy how a little smell, a saying, a touch, et cetera, can trigger a memory?

Sometimes, while having a fantabulous day, I all of a sudden remember back to summers at my grandma's & being in her kitchen. It always smelled like yellow apples & bananas. I love that smell! Or if I get a whiff of a lilac, it sends me back to spring time in our backyard where we had lilac bushes along the fence & beside the house.

Sometimes I am taken back to happy memories. Sometimes I am taken back to sad memories. Sometimes I am taken back to horrible memories. However, I am thankful for each & every memory I have. For one day I may never remember.

Here lately I have been thinking a lot about my precious son Nehemiah. Every October, since he was born, I have had a smell that gets stuck in my nose & does not leave until November is here. It is a smell I have been asked numerous times to explain, but I can't.

This year was different though & it kind of made me sad. I do not know if it is because I have a new baby to tend to & I have the smell of pooh or spit up, but the smell only came to me at certain times of the day. One good thing though, I have been having that scent come & go since September. Like he is telling me hello or letting me know he is here with me.

I like to think when I am feeling the sunshine on my face he is giving me kisses, or when a breeze swishes past me that means he is dancing around me, or when I get goose bumps he is whispering he loves me in my ear. I like finding things too. Pennies, little white feathers, stickers on the bottom of my shoe.

I know this may seem a little weird, but it makes my heart happy to have these things around me.

What memories do you have that are kept alive by your senses?

December Already

I cannot believe it is already December! This year has just flown by & I feel dizzy because of it!

CHRISTmas time is approaching. This is one of my favorite holidays, beside THANKSgiving! When I was a child it seemed like it took for ever to get here. Now it just speeds up here unexpectedly!

I remember waking up super early CHRISTmas morning & having to wait on our parents to wake up so we could go see what Santa left us. It seemed like an eternity waiting on them to wake up!

For the first few years my husband & I were married we would spend the night at my parents' on CHRISTmas Eve with my sisters & brother who still lived at home & we would do the same tradition we had been doing all my life. But it has gotten to where there are too many of us for all of us to spend the night in my parents' home. The times when my older brother & his family don't get to come down for CHRISTmas we have not quite figured out a tradition to suit us. The funny thing is we live in the same town my parents do, so it isn't like we have to travel far!

But, it is fun just the same to see our children's faces light up when they get to see their presents. My mom has made the sweetest stockings for all of her grandchildren, so it is really special when we get to see those filled up.

It will be extra special this year with Crispin celebrating his first CHRISTmas! There is a still a part of us missing on these special occasions.

But we can never forget the true meaning of CHRISTmas, now can we?!

The day our Lord & Savior, Jesus Christ was born in a manger!


"And she brought forth her firstborn Son, and wrapped Him in swaddling cloths and laid Him a manger because there was no room for them in the inn" Luke 2:7

Hope & Prayer

I had made hats this past October to donate to our local hospitals. Unfortunately I got a late start, so we only had enough for one. We ended up donating to the hospital that Nehemiah was born in.

In each hat was a little card that told what the hats were for & listed my Team Nehemiah Facebook page for them. I check my page every now & again to see if anyone might have posted something.

A few weeks ago I had noticed someone had actually posted on my wall about her nephew receiving a Nehemiah's Hat. I was so excited to see this, but I was upset because the comment had been posted exactly one month before I actually read it. I was excited anyway to see that someone had received one of my extra special gifts.

Unfortunately, this little soul has been called back home. I cried for almost the whole day upon finding this out. So, I messaged the woman who left me the message & she messaged me back. This sweet little baby had been born with a birth defect that ultimately shortened his life.

This just proves right here how important the March of Dimes is & how important it is that we continue to donate for research on the cause & prevention of prematurity & birth defects. We have come a long way, but there is still so much more work to be done.

So, my mission for the new year is to get more awareness out there & hopefully get started earlier this year then I did last year.

For now though, lets have hope & pray daily!


"Be joyful in hope, patient in affliction, faithful in prayer" Romans 12:12

THANKSgiving

It is that time of year again!

That time we know as fall, browning leaves, cooler weather, withering plants, snow, winter.

This month is Thanksgiving & we have plenty to be thankful for here in our little household.

Just as last year, I have been listing daily the things I am most thankful for on my Facebook. It is great to share with others what makes you happy & thankful.

I love the holidays because I get to spend time with my brother & his family who do not live close to us. It is a precious time that I always hope goes by slowly.

My main thanks I give this month are:
My Health & Being Alive
My Marriage & Husband
My 3 Healthy Children
My Precious Angel Nehemiah
My Parents
My Siblings
The Past, Present & Future Service Men & Women Serving our Country
My Job
My House & Car

What are you most thankful for?


Psalm 107:1 "Oh, give thanks to the Lord, for He is good!
Thanksgiving to the Lord for His great works of deliverance for His mercy endures forever."

We Are All Strong Enough

On Thursday, I went to be with my dear friend who was celebrating the 3rd birthday of her sweet Bubbas. On my way to the cemetery I was thinking about what I was going to say & if she would like my gift I had made for her & then I was starting feel really sad & thought of my poor dear friend. Right as I turned into the entry way Jeremy Camp's "There Will Be a Day" started playing on the radio.

I am not sure if everyone knows how that song goes, so I will share a few lyrics:

I can’t wait until that day where the very one I’ve lived for always will wipe away the sorrow that I’ve faced
To touch the scars that rescued me from a life of shame and misery this is why this is why I sing….

There will be a day with no more tears, no more pain, and no more fears
There will be a day when the burdens of this place, will be no more, we’ll see Jesus face to face

Well, she loved my gift, of course!! We hugged & talked. She has some very sweet nieces & nephew & her sister-in-love with her. She had white balloons to release. Of course I still had the sharpies in my purse from Nehemiah's balloon release, so I had to get those out. A couple more of her sweet friends showed up & we let the balloons go. It was cold & a little windy, but it was still very nice. Compared to the weather from the day before, this day was perfect.

As I was heading to the exit of the cemetery, I looked back & saw my dear friend sit down in front of her son. My heart broke just a little more for her & I wanted to go back, but I told myself she has to have some alone time with her sweet angel.

As soon as I made up my mind to leave another song came on the radio. This one being by Matthew West called "Strong Enough". Here are a few lyrics:You must You must think I'm strong To give me what I'm going through

Well, forgive me Forgive me if I'm wrong But this looks like more than I can do On my own

I know I'm not strong enough to be everything that I'm supposed to be
I give up
I'm not strong enough
Hands of mercy won't you cover me
Lord right now I'm asking you to be
Strong enough
Strong enough For the both of us

Both of these songs coming on let me know that God was listening to my heart & these particular songs were played for me personally at those moments.

Today, I am thankful for my life lessons that are brought to me by the loss of my sweet angel Nehemiah Christopher Reyna. I would never have met the people I have or be able to help people who are grieving the loss of a child if I had not lost my own.

To close, here are just a few pictures I would like to share.

This is the wreath I made my dear friend.
The blue airplane has wings painted on the wings that you can't see at this angle.

There go our balloons!

My candle burning brightly.

"I Can Do All Things Through Christ Who Strengthens Me". Philippians 4:13

Angelversary Past

Each year we have done something special in memory of our sweet Nehemiah. I am always thinking of ideas to come up, so I thought I would share with you the things we have done.

October 18, 2008:
Our family met at Southlawn Park in the afternoon (go here to see photos). Both my younger & older brother read a verse from the bible, my brother-in-law said a some sweet words, I read a little thank you & then a verse from the bible & JD read a poem (I helped). I had purchased some special stationary paper from the local craft store that we all wrote a special note on & attached it to our balloons. Then we released them into the sky.

October 18, 2009:
JD, my girls & I went to a local park & released balloons & fed the ducks.
My two girls, my dad & myself all had 10 inches cut off of our hair & donated it to the Locks of Love.I ordered Forget Me Not seeds off the internet & made seed packets. On each seed packet I attached a picture of Nehemiah's hands & placed a paper band around them with a poem.


October 18, 2010:
I asked everyone to please do 3 nice things & then write them down for me to keep. Only a few people did this for me. We donated to the Faith City Mission three items clothes, toys & book.
In the evening we went to a local park & released balloons with messages written on them.

October 18, 2011:
We bought a kit at Wal-mart & knitted hats for our local NICU. Unfortunately we got a late start, so we only donated to the hospital where we delivered our angel. JD named them Nehemiah's Hats. Fitting, don't you think?
Afterwards, we went to a local park & released balloons. It was too windy or we would have fed some ducks.

I am already planning next years event. Hopefully we can do it, until then, my lips are sealed.

Balloon Release

Well sweet son, we had quite a day for 4th Angelversary.

After your sisters got out of school we went home & picked up your daddy & baby brother & we headed to the hospital with our Nehemiah's Hats. Daddy picked them in case you did not already know that.

When we got to the registration desk to find out where the nursery was, we were greeted by the charge nurse named Patty. She asked us what we were delivering to the nursery, so I opened the box to show her the tiny hats we had knitted.

Before she took them upstairs to be placed on the little babies' heads, I explained to her about our sweet baby (you) & how we do something every year in honor of your memory. She was so sweet & said she was taking them right away to be distributed.

We left there with our hearts (faces) smiling.

We then went & picked out your birthday balloons. Andrea got an orange star, Makaila got a white star & Crispin got a blue star. Daddy got a Happy Birthday & I got you a sports balloon. It was super windy outside, so we sat inside the van & wrote our messages on your balloons.

I took these pictures of each of our balloons.







One problem, when Makaila got out of the van, the wind ripped her balloon out of her hand. She cried so hard because it got away. So daddy let her hold his. Crispin did not know what to think about all that was going on, so he sat holding your bear.









We miss you sweet angel & love you dearly. We hope you had an awesome birthday in Heaven!

Love,
Mommy, Daddy, Andrea, Makaila & Crispin