Capture Your Grief Day 28 - Special Place

Special Place - We did not choose to bury our baby, the hospital was supposed to do an autopsy & the ball was dropped and we have never asked what they did with his sweet body. 

So, my special place I go to is here. In my memory box & blanket given to me at the hospital, the scrapbook I made & a bear my friend had made for me.

Capture Your Grief Day 5 - Memory

At my 12 week appointment we could not find a heartbeat, so I was sent for a sonogram. 

This is my favorite memory because he was moving around and waving at us. 
Little did we know we would only have 8 weeks left with him. 

Memory Lane

Isn't it crazy how a little smell, a saying, a touch, et cetera, can trigger a memory?

Sometimes, while having a fantabulous day, I all of a sudden remember back to summers at my grandma's & being in her kitchen. It always smelled like yellow apples & bananas. I love that smell! Or if I get a whiff of a lilac, it sends me back to spring time in our backyard where we had lilac bushes along the fence & beside the house.

Sometimes I am taken back to happy memories. Sometimes I am taken back to sad memories. Sometimes I am taken back to horrible memories. However, I am thankful for each & every memory I have. For one day I may never remember.

Here lately I have been thinking a lot about my precious son Nehemiah. Every October, since he was born, I have had a smell that gets stuck in my nose & does not leave until November is here. It is a smell I have been asked numerous times to explain, but I can't.

This year was different though & it kind of made me sad. I do not know if it is because I have a new baby to tend to & I have the smell of pooh or spit up, but the smell only came to me at certain times of the day. One good thing though, I have been having that scent come & go since September. Like he is telling me hello or letting me know he is here with me.

I like to think when I am feeling the sunshine on my face he is giving me kisses, or when a breeze swishes past me that means he is dancing around me, or when I get goose bumps he is whispering he loves me in my ear. I like finding things too. Pennies, little white feathers, stickers on the bottom of my shoe.

I know this may seem a little weird, but it makes my heart happy to have these things around me.

What memories do you have that are kept alive by your senses?