My Indian Giver

I was given a dream, a future that started planning in my mind.
I was given a miracle, a bundle of love I was supposed to have for the rest of my time.
I was given these thoughts of security and peace.
I was given the sense to feel, kicks and flutters of your tiny feet.
I was given my heart, another beat under my own.
You, my little boy, were supposed to be mine to love have and hold.
As I waited for you I got your room ready.
I picked your name and started planning.
I was getting anxious for you, waiting for your cries.
I wanted your little finger wrapped around mine.
I wanted to take the weight from my belly and have it put in my arms.
I wanted to nurse you and make you so strong.
The day I woke up and couldn't feel you move, I knew something wasn't right.
I went to get your daddy and we drove as fast as we could with nothing but you in our minds.
Thinking that when we got there we would her your heart pound,
but when we got there we heard nothing, not a flinch, not a sound.
When we saw you on the screen as still as could be,
It tore out my core out and that was when I lost me.
I could feel a piece of you leave as I screamed for someone to help.
You left me in that scream and to my knees I fell.
You were created with so much love, I thought that it was enough to make Him let you stay.
I keep replaying what I did wrong and how I could have changed that day.
I would have given my life for you, if I knew you were leaving me, if I had the chance.
I would have taken your place if only He would have asked.
I don't want to be without you and somehow I am labeled a survivor.
Hopefully God you will forgive me for calling you my Indian Giver.

Written by Nichole Cavote