Excitement + Guilt

We are officially 21 weeks & 6 days. We have had our ultrasound this afternoon & have discovered we are having a baby BOY! So, my instincts were right!
He has all four chambers of his heart, a brain & sealed skull, a full bladder, two kidneys & a great big head & big feet! Which we are excited & feel we would be just as excited to see that he were actually a she. The sonogram shows we are 23 weeks & 4 days, moving our due date to January 6, 2011. The sonographer said my doctor probably will not move anything based on this, but we will see. Especially since it is a scheduled c-section & a VBAC is not an option in my case.

As well as excitement, there is a twang guilt. The guilt of being happy. Just because we are having another baby & a boy at that, does make losing Nehemiah any easier. It does not make us forget the baby boy we had almost three years ago. I get sad sometimes & the other night I was talking to the baby & accidentally called out Nehemiah's name. That broke my heart & I felt guilty.

I do not want to ever forget Nehemiah & what we have endured losing him. It was a lesson to learn how not to take life for granted & that I am a strong woman/mom. I know God gave us that special gift & the gift I am carrying now & we are truly blessed.

The other night, while getting comfortable in bed, I felt something poke my belly. I looked at JD & had asked him if he poked me, which he said no. Then today while we were waiting to be called back, I felt something small rub my belly. I just looked around, of course there was no one else waiting with us & no one was sitting close enough to touch me. I feel like angels are with us always. I would like to think maybe it was Nehemiah touching me. It is nice to think our baby has his own little guardian angel.

Next time, we might share our name choice!!



"For He shall give His angels charge over you, to keep you in all your ways" Psalm 91:11