Love of Our Father

It is difficult to lose a baby at any age or gestation. As a mother of an angel, I have felt like a failure. I would never wish anything like this on anyone no matter what. At times I have felt like it should be up to me who gets to have a baby when I am judging someone who I deem "unfit". But it really is not up to any one of us.

I do not feel like God gives us something just to take it away. He is not like our older brother who would say, "You want a bite of this delicious candy bar?" Just so when we say yes, he stuffs it all into his big fat mouth. I believe He decides that we may not be ready for what we are about to receive or He feels like we are not going to be able to handle that specific task & so He takes it back to give us something else.

It is like this saying, "When God takes something from your grasp, He is not punishing you...but merely opening your hands to receive something better".

Now at the time of any loss we are not thinking, "Oh thank You so much God, just can't wait to see what You are going to give me in return!" No, we are questioning ourselves, God, human nature, people around us, loved ones. Questioning every move we made to trick our minds into believing it was something we did & should be punished for.

When we lost our son I begged for 6 months to pass. Thinking in 6 months I would be over this hurt & my heart would not feel like it was going to explode in my chest every time I thought about what I lost. However, 6 months did not make me feel better. We fool ourselves that is what we do.

I never turned my back on God, I actually found myself crying out to Him even more than I had in a long long time. I looked up every bible verse I could find to help me in my pain. A few off the top of my head that helped were:
Psalm 147:3 He heals the brokenhearted & binds up their wounds
Matthew 5:4 Blessed are those who mourn, for they shall be comforted
Nehemiah 8:10 Do not sorrow for the joy of the Lord is your strength
I read a lot of books too that I found comfort in.
Free to Grieve by Maureen Rank; she references the bible in this book.
Grieving the Child I Never Knew by Kathe Wunnenberg; she includes a journal section after each story which let you jot down questions or feelings.
A Silent Love by Adrienne Ryan; (this one is my favorite one) she not only talks about her losses, but she retells personal stories from other women, even her husband & parents partake.Music helped as you can see reading through my past posts. I love music anyway, but to have special songs when you are experiencing certain trials in your life is always helpful. Songs to cheer you up, songs when you are happy, songs when you are mad or songs to have fun!
The love of our Father is everlasting. We should trust in Him always. So if you are going through something right now that seems like there is no end in sight, remember God will never give you more than you can handle & as what my all wise brother would say "& this too shall pass".


"His favor is for life; Weeping may endure for a night, but joy comes in the morning." Psalm 30:5