Andrea is enjoying the 6th grade & will be 12 on the 21st of October. Makaila, aka Beethoven, is enjoying the 1st grade when she is not getting into trouble for making the other kids laugh. It has already been an interesting school year & it has only just begun.
I am working a part-time job right now which is really helping me clear my head, but also makes me sad to miss hearing how the girls' day went & putting them to bed. On my evening off during the week we spend the evening talking & laughing. They fill me in on everything. I'm off on Sundays which is nice too. We were spending it at the park watching softball, but the season is about over. Beethoven loves watching her daddy play "t-ball" & even asked him if he will still come watch her play "t-ball" when she gets big like him.
As of right now our marriage is complicated in so many ways. I would love to elaborate more than I have already to some, but until we work it out or separate for good, it would only make it that much more awkward/complicated. For anyone who is or has ever contemplated divorce knows what that means. You want to make your own decisions & if you blab your business to everyone then they all want to "help" & it just makes it that much more difficult to decide on your own what to do with judgments flying everywhere. I know sometimes it seems the decisions are so much easier when you are on the outside looking in, but until you are in that position you will never really know how hard it really is. You have what if's & what about's & some believe leaving & giving up would be just so easy.
We aren't two people who met in a bar last night & hooked up. We aren't two people who met online yesterday & think we are soul-mates today. We have history & it is too much history to let go. We have 14 years together & two beautiful daughters. We have been through a lot more in the last two years than people who have together 30 or 40 years together & I honestly am glad it was him who was here with me. But I am also in that place right now that if we do not work out I am okay with that. That I can say I gave it my all & I know it will be hard, but I can move on.
I have really let myself falter & I am not proud about that. I came on here & blogged about giving it up to God in May & by July we were having problems. I know this is a test & I had not been handling myself very well. However, the past couple of weeks I have been putting more & more of this back into God's hands because He is truly the only one who can help us at this point.
All I can ask for now is prayer from everyone as this month itself is going to have road bumps through out.
"Be very careful, then, how you live—not as unwise but as wise, making the most of every opportunity, because the days are evil. Therefore do not be foolish, but understand what the Lord's will is. Do not get drunk on wine, which leads to debauchery. Instead, be filled with the Spirit. Speak to one another with psalms, hymns and spiritual songs. Sing and make music in your heart to the Lord, always giving thanks to God the Father for everything, in the name of our Lord Jesus Christ." Eph. 5:15-20
1 comment:
I had no idea, but Mark and I are certainly here if you guys need someone to just sit, listen and support.
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