But when you do lose something as precious as a child, a part of you dies as well. It is an unbearable pain. One that will have you worrying about your other children.
I use to be jealous of the mothers who had a baby born alive and had their moment together. I just wish for one moment with Nehemiah alive and looking into my face. Smiling at me with his toothless grin. But then I am thankful that he was already gone when I delivered him, because I do not think I could have handled burying a baby whom I got to nurse or take him to meet his sisters and family before the Lord took them. I am thankful that I got to carry him, feel him moving and see him move on the sonogram machine.
I just wish one day no one would ever have to feel that pain of losing a child. We are not suppose to out live our children.
Now that I have experienced this kind of loss, I dread my children learning how to drive or going to parties. What if they are hit by a drunk driver or what if they are the drunk drive who hits someone and takes someone else's child? I dread my children leaving my sight, even for a moment. What if someone takes them & I find them in a shallow grave or they are hurt in the most horrible way?
I have faith though that the Lord is & will always take care of my children no matter what. I also have faith that my parenting will pay off and they won't be hurt.We have to continue to not think about the bad things that could happen. We have to continue to go on just like we did before the pain hit us in the gut so hard we could not catch our breaths in the fear that our heart would stop beating at any moment from being broken.
The next post and the one for tomorrow, that are actually lyrics to songs, sum up some of the way I feel every day.
I love you precious son! One day we will meet again and I will get to hold you in my arms.
"Do not sorrow for the joy of the Lord is your strength" Nehemiah 8:10
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