March for Babies 2016

Another year has come and gone for the March for Babies!

It was a little cool this mornging, after having been raining for a few days before the walk. We had a quite a few walkers this year, that always makes my heart happy! We raise $953.00!

Enjoy a few pictures below of us before the walk, during the walk and at the Memory Mile.

We are truly blessed to have so many supporters! Thank you all for participating!

What Heals Your Heart ~ October 10th

If I did not have family to support me after my loss, I migfht have went crazy. 

God truly blessed me with awesome parents, siblings, children, mother-in-law and my sweet husband.

Capture Your Grief Day 19 - Support

We have too many to put in one picture so I simplified it.

They know who they are though.

They have join our Family Team each year, they help us raise money & sale chocolates, they let us cry on their shoulder....more importantly, they speak his name - Nehemiah.

I love you all and we would be insane without all of you.

Capture Your Grief - Day 11

"Supportive Friends & Family"

My husband & my mom!

BeTTer LaTe ThAn NeVeR...

March of Dimes 2009 March for Babies.
Team Nehemiah Christopher Reyna.

L-R: Sherry (my mom), Lisa, Me, Angela, Jeslyn, Becky (m-in-law), Andrea, Kendra, Kelli L. & Kelli M.Andrea & Myself @ Nehemiah's Memory Mile Marker.

Unfortunately JD & KK could not walk with us this year, but definitely next year they will. JD & I got there a little after 6:30 a.m. to help set up the memory mile & blow up balloons & tie ribbon on them. It was loads of fun!

We would like to suggest anyone out there who is willing to help by getting donations & coming out to Run or walk, please sign up early next year. Even if you have never experienced the pain of a pregnancy or infant loss or having to deal with the stress of a premature birth yourself, I ask that you get out & help raise awareness & money to prevent it from happening to you or a loved one.

Thank you everyone who supported my family & my team or anyone's team for that matter. May God bless you!

HeArTpRiNtS

This evening was our first night back at The Hope & Healing Place with our Pregnancy & Infant Loss Group (aka Heartprints). It was really nice. There was only one other couple there besides JD & myself. They had lost a baby at 20 weeks & 1 day gestation due to Turner Syndrome just this past January. I hope JD & I have given them a little insight as to what to expect. The wife & I share a lot of the same grief process & it was nice to be able to tell her how I felt during the first months. JD & I actually admitted things we had not even told one another. Like how I had prayed God to make the first 6 months speed by or how JD talks to Nehemiah in our garden when his little windmill gets to spinning.

We only have an hour, but we almost went two. Our therapist had to stop us. It was really nice to be able to finally talk to someone who can actually relate on more levels than just one, losing a child. I am telling you this is truly a God Send. Praise God! There were suppose to be some more couples; however, no one else showed up. I cannot wait until we meet again in two weeks. Maybe JD & I have found us some lifelong friends. Who knows. Praising God!

Usually we stop at Taco Bell after our meetings to eat before we go pick up the girls. Since I have given up chips that is out of the question. Man I was craving a Nacho Bell Grande so bad!! I am glad JD is supporting me in this or I am sure he would have driven right into their parking lot.

I just wanted to give everyone an update to how our session went.

You are Holy God! You are blessing our lives every day & for that we thank You!

Hope & Healing

Well, we got a letter in the mail Friday telling us our meetings at The Hope & Healing Place will begin again on Thursday, March 5th. I am very excited!

According to our previous e-mail there are 3 new people & a dad (not sure if he is included in the 3 or if he makes 4). Either way, Praise to God that we are reaching more people who are hurting after a pregnancy or infant loss. We started w/6 the first week & it dwindled down to just 4 (JD included) by the third week.

It does make me nervous though to begin again with new people. Only because you do not know what to expect. Our first time was so intense that I cried the whole time & did not say anything. Everyone who shared their story made me cry that much more. One of the other ladies did not share her story & never came back. I still pray for her to find peace & hopefully she will return to share her story w/someone.

It is nice to be able to share your own personal struggles w/someone who knows first hand what you are experiencing. It also feels good to just have someone listen. I have so much compassion for the ladies who shared their stories with us last time. We should be able to grieve & it helps that we have somewhere to go.

I will keep you informed on our little group. I cannot tell you anyone's name, but I can share my experience.

My Own Testimony of a God Send!

After losing a child (or any loved one) you always think, what is the lesson here? What could God have brought to us through this hurt & pain for? What is His reason everyone keeps telling us about? I think we have found ours. Well, let me back up a bit. After JD & I lost our son we were devastated. We both grieved differently. Me, outward; him, inward. At first I cried & cried & cried. JD was wonderful & supportive. But soon I felt like I was burdening him with my crying, so I stopped & started keeping a journal. However, his inward struggle was far worse than anyone could see. He started having chest pains & could not sleep. He hurt is back & slept on the couch for about two months. He never told his doctor what we had been through, so his doctor just put him on blood pressure medication & a couple of other meds. I wanted to talk about our loss, he didn't. We started drifting away from each other. On a couple of occasions he would just go off on me & a few hours later act like nothing ever happened. It got to where he would not even remember what he had said to me. One evening he poured syrup on my head (funny now, but not at the time) & after I got into the shower he asked me why I was taking a shower so early for. When it could not get any worse, he told me he wanted out. He could not do it anymore, he had lost his "passion". He did not want to learn the guitar, he did not want to go to church, he did not want to play softball (which is his life) & he did not want to be with me. I was devastated yet again. First I lose my son & now I am going to lose my husband. How does that happen? Long story short, my dad observed a certain day with JD & decided I needed to call his doctor & talk to them about his medication; call his brother & talk to him about possible depression & get him in to see someone. First step, we went to his doctor, after talking with the doctor JD tells him he does not want any antidepressants. What does the doctor do? Put him on "anti-anxiety" medication; a very low dose he tells JD. Next step, to a therapist, who informs JD he is definitely depressed after a series of questions. Then, the doctor tells JD that he is actually on an antidepressant & not anti-anxiety medication. We go see him four times & he helps us along on our journey. We move back in together & decide we need to help other people in the same shape we are in. I had looked into some help earlier with no avail. So, we put our minds together & came up with an idea to start a support group; however, before we could get it started, we get a call from The Hope & Healing Place. I had been there earlier to get counseling without JD & they had some other women who have lost babies & needed support, so would we be interested in coming in & maybe in the future help them out with other couples? WHAT A GOD SEND!?!?! Our first group consisted of JD & myself, along with four other women & our wonderful Group Leader & her assistant. Unfortunately one the women only came to our very first night & we had one who only came two nights. Hopefully, they will come around again. But our first night was so intense. I did not talk at all. I thought I would just talk & talk & talk, but I cried the entire time. & JD, the one who lost his "passion", talked & talked & talked. He was the first one to talk too! He has not gotten all of his passions back, but we are so much closer than ever. Actually, since Nehemiah's first angelversary we have truly began healing properly. October was an intense month for the both of us. There are two other remembrances in October (4th-Walk to Remember & 15th-Candle Light Vigil) & we just did too much last year with it being our first year. Hopefully it will not always be that intense. Anyway, we are hopefully going to start up again. Our Group Leader has informed us that she has three other couples & one dad who is interested in coming. I pray that we are able to reach as many people who need us. Like I said, I could not find anything to meet our needs, but God has brought us all together through our pain to help others in pain.


 
The Lord is near to those who have a broken heart,
And saves such as have a contrite spirit. Psalm 34:18

My Personal Struggle

I have struggles, just as many of you out there. I try to look up to God & pray to Him when I am in my darkest hour. I still try to remember to say my morning & evening prayers everyday, along w/my noon ones when I hear of a struggling family, child or a loss of a loved one. My biggest struggle is the loss of my son. Seeing other mothers w/their babies sometimes brings tears to my eyes. I love children & since I was a little girl I had always wanted lots of babies.

I miss my son & what could have been. Nehemiah was due to be born March 8, 2008, but I would have had a scheduled c-section due to my previous two, so he would have come the last week of February.

When other women are pregnant I try to be happy for them, but when they say they weren't trying or didn't want kids it stings. Especially women who do not take care of themselves &/or they already have children they do not care for, it really hurts. I know I have no right to say who should have children & who should not & I try not to judge, but I am human & the green eyed jealous monster comes out & I think the worst.

I do wonder who would he look like & what would he grow up to be?
Would he have been mommy's little boy?
When everyone around is holding their baby w/out a care when I lost mine & will never get to hold him on earth I want to tell them so they know.

I want my son to spend holidays w/& get to celebrate his firsts & I want to hold him while he sleeps & smell his baby breath.
I want to be able to complain about no sleep & smelling like spit up & laugh at him making baby sounds & funny faces while he sleeps.
I know one day in heaven I will get to see my smiling boy & do all the things I am missing out on now. I just want it now!

When I am having a moment, I try to keep it to myself so I don't bring everyone else down around me. Which half of the time, they do not seem to notice me there anyways. They go on about their business & I still hurt. Waiting for some words of comfort or support, maybe a hug. There are people in my own family who have not said anything to me since my loss. I can tell when I am making someone uncomfortable when I bring it up & when people ask me if I will ever try for a third child or for a son. That is always awkward, more for them than for me. I get that look though when I tell them & that makes me feel awkward. I know that not everyone has been through this experience and it is easier to just ignore it, because what can you "REALLY" say to make things better? I do have advice for people who know someone who has lost a baby, HUG THEM!! Tell them you love them!! & ask them if they want to just talk about it. That is what I would like people to do for me. THAT WOULD BE THE NICEST THING EVER!!

I know some people they wonder "when will they get over it?" "when will they just move on?"...well, I cannot answer those questions for you. We take it one day at a time. If we are to get pregnant it will be by the grace of God, as we are not trying at the moment.
But for now I will meet you in my dreams Nehemiah & we will play patty cake & smile at each other until I can be where you are.