What Heals Your Heart ~ October 25th

I do not exactly believe in "Mother Earth", I believe God made everything in the sky and on the earth.
Today I am giving credit to God who blesses me daily with the gift of life.

Today I am planting some Forget Me Nots in a pot I made a little over 6 years ago in our grief counseling group.
I will pray over them everyday to get them to grow as our angels in heaven do.

What Heals Your Heart ~ October 24th

It took me a little bit after my loss to forgive some very insensitive people. From family who made my loss about them, to the rude nurses I had to encounter, the therapist who did not care to really listen to me.
There were even people who tried to come between my husband and I by using grief we were feeling.
But I have since been able to forgive them all. I know some people were just trying to show compassion and it may have come out wrong.
If you are ever in a situation and do not know what to say, a hug is always nice or even a pat on the hand.

Grief is not contagious.

I found this blog post 64 Things I Wish Someone Had Told Me About Grief and decided to share. I agree with a lot of these.

What Heals Your Heart ~ October 23rd

For every mom and dad who have lost a baby/child and is still standing, inspire me.

I have met parents who have had to bury more than one child and are still holding strong.
I pray one day no one else ever has to experience such pain.

Losing a child is worse than dying.

What Heals Your Heart ~ October 22nd

I have never been to a spa and do not really see the point of spending money on something I can do myself at home.
So to relax and do self care, I lounge on the couch under a blanket after a stressful day or after a hard workout, reading a book or scrolling through my phone.
Maybe watch some TV.

What Heals Your Heart ~ October 21st

Each of my relationships are different. I believe since my loss I am a better mother to my children. I definitely cherish them way more, not that I did not before, it is just different.

My husband and I hit a rough patch, but we have been able to beat it and have only gotten stronger.

I am blessed by each one of these little human beings in my life.

Thank you Lord for my blessings!

Happy 17th Birthday!

 I cannot believe this beauty is 17 years old. It seems like only yesterday I brought this 7lb 11 1/2oz baby girl home from the hospital.

She wanted an elephant cake, so I found this gem on Pinterest. It was super easy to make.

What Heals Your Heart ~ October 20th

There are times during grieving that it feels like the wind has been knocked out of you and you are going to suffocate. Youjust have to remember to breathe.
Breathe in the moment, let it go, and keep going. There is a reason you are still standing even though you do not know it yet.

What Heals Your Heart ~ October 19th

We have knitted hats for the NICU for both of our hospitals for the last three years and this year we decided to make bunting and tunics for the angel babies.
For the past 6 years we have raised money and walked for the March of Dimes' March for Babies. We have raised close to $4500.00 over the 6 years.
It is both gratifying and helpful to our healing process.

Happy 7th Angelversary

JD and I went to the hospital this morning to deliver the buntings, tunics and hats mom and I made for the angel babies. Excuse his face, he can never be serious. :)

The nurses at the hosptial were excited to receive these precious gifts. They listened to me tell a little bit of my story and then were ready to peek inside at the goodies. It made my whole day. 

I cannot believe it has been 7 years since you left us. 

Below are the photographs of us remembering our sweet Nehemiah.

 Makaila and Crispin ready with their balloon messages for their brother.

 Granny and Papa

 Brayden, JD and Juan

 Crispin getting his sparklers it and Andrea enjoying her sparklers.

 

 

 

 Dominic and Ethan letting their lights shine.

Jacob

What Heals Your Heart ~ October 18th

I am so grateful to be called mommy by these three gems.

I am grateful for my sweet Nehemiah too.
I want him here with me more than anything, but it makes my heart happy to know one day I will be with him.

What Heals Your Heart ~ October 17th

Since my loss I am more willing to take new risks and I would love to get out there and explore parts of the world I have never thought of before.
This verse is beautiful and I found this beautiful picture on the interweb. It seems like a nice place to go.

What Heals Your Heart ~ October 16th

Anytime I have a bad day or I am just feeling sad, I retreat to my husband's arms

What Heals Your Heart ~ October 15th

8th Annual Candle Light Vigil

What Heals Your Heart ~ October 14th

I had some pretty dark days after my loss.

I begged God to let 6 months hurry and pass by so I could hurry up and "feel better".

                                          1). time did not speed by

                                          2). I did not "feel better" after 6 months

I thought my heart was going to burst it hurt so bad and I just wanted to forget everything that had happened to.

We had no real support in the beginning. Yes, we had family and friends to check in on us, but no one we know has ever been through what we had and everyone was on eggs shells around us. Not to mention we were drifting apart in our whirlwind of pain and grief.

The hospital has a group that meets, but only when they have enough sign up....(I got a call 3 years after my loss).

I went to theray alone and the woman only talked about the loss of her parents the whole time and after I felt like giving on ever getting the help I would need...until I got a call from the same woman that The Hope and Healing Place would be starting a group for parents like us called Heart Prints.

The sun came out and we have been healing ever since.

What Heals Your Heart ~ October 13th

Fall always reminds me of my precious baby boy. It was when we discovered our baby had went to Heaven.

I used to get a smell in my nose around the 1st of the month that reminded me of him; however, last year I was diagnosed with nasal polyps and only have a sense of smell during certain times of the day and year.

I may not have that smell anymore, but I have the beautiful trees, pumpkins, scarecrows and cooler weather to remind me of him.

What Heals Your Heart ~ October 12th

I really belive that music can soothe the soul.

There are a lot of songs that I love to listen to that help make me feel better. It can help get the words and emotions out that you could not do yourself.

Eric Clapton's "Tears in Heaven" was one of my go to songs after my loss.

What Heals Your Heart ~ October 11th

I don't have an altar for my baby. Mostly because I just don't have the room.

So I have a scrapbook that keep everything pertaining to him in. I treasure this book that holds sweet pictures of him and his feet/handprints in.

What Heals Your Heart ~ October 10th

If I did not have family to support me after my loss, I migfht have went crazy. 

God truly blessed me with awesome parents, siblings, children, mother-in-law and my sweet husband.

What Heals Your Heart ~ October 9th

Every year I do something special for Nehemiah's Angelversary...in memory of my sweet baby.

The last three years I hvae made hats for the NICU babies, but this year I decided to make tunics and buntings for angel babies. My sweet mom is helping me.

Here is my sewing desk, with my scrapbook I have for my baby and a bear a friend had made for me.

What Heals Your Heart ~ October 8th

There was nothing here in Amarillo to help what we were going through. 

I tried therapy by myself, but it was not helpful. I needed to find someone who experienced what I had. 

Finally we got a call to join a support group with other angel mommy and daddies at The Hope and Healing Place.

Before we joined, my husband thought he had to be a rock and could not cry, so he shut himself off. I felt like I could not grieve properly because I was trying to be "careful" around him.

But after going it really helped him to be able to communicate with me after our loss.

What Heals Your Heart ~ October 7th

My Sacred Place...my bed

What Heals Your Heart ~ October 6th

These are two books that have helped me a lot after my loss.

What Heals Your Heart ~ October 5th

Here is my first journal I kept after my loss.

Yes, that is Hello Kitty.

I had the worst nightmares ever that the first thing I thought was "I have to write these feelings down to get them out of my head". That book was just lying tehre so I started it. Then I found a pad of paper after I filled the book up (that is what's underneath the book). I also wrote because I was afraid I would forget something.

I have only read parts of the book one time since writing in it, that was when I wrote inserts on my blog for Nehemiah's 5th Angelversary.

I believe it has helped in my healing process.

Sewing, Sewing, Sewing

 We had us a little sewing party!

We are making buntings and tunics to donate to the hospitals for Nehemiah's Angelversary this year.
Mom made some hats up, so we will be donating those to the NICU again.
We just decided to do something a little bit different this year.
The patterns for these can be found at Angel Outfitters.

What Heals Your Heart ~ October 4th

This is me now...

On the 18th of October will be 7 years since I experienced the 2nd worst day of my life, the first being the day before, when we found out our son's heart had stopped beating while he was growing inside me. 

I can say I am stronger and a more giving person becuase of my experience.
I tend to be a bit paranoid or worry more about my living children, but I do believe God is in control and His promises will be made true in due time.

What Heals Your Heart ~ October 3rd

THis was one of the happiest days of our lives, 

Our Wedding Day!

Before we knew what a real loss was, before we knew what it meant for our hearts to shatter into a million little pieces, before when we thought we were invincible...

You never think about it happening to you...