Quote of the Day

"Life is an opportunity, benefit from it.
Life is beauty, admire it.
Life is a dream, realize it.
Life is a challenge, meet it.
Life is a duty, complete it.
Life is a game, play it.
Life is a promise, fulfill it.
Life is sorrow, overcome it.
Life is a song, sing it.
Life is a struggle, accept it.
Life is a tragedy, confront it.
Life is an adventure, dare it.
Life is luck, make it.
Life is too precious, do not destroy it.
Life is life, fight for it."~Mother Teresa

Reflections & Confessions

What a whirl-wind of a year my family & I have had!

After finding out we were pregnant while trying to work on our marriage & after the loss of our last baby might be enough for some people to just throw their hands up in the air & give up due to these stresses. It was a trying time at times, I am not going to lie.

I still had some resentments towards my husband & with the pregnancy, I was still enduring some grief from the loss of my last baby. But after many late night discussions we concluded that God wanted us to be blessed with this little miracle for more than one reason or another & my husband says, "God wants me to grow up & be the husband & father I set out to be". We had to let Him have control & believed that He was going to bless us.

While we were pregnant we were dreading the 20 week mark. I had started feeling Nehemiah move around the 16th week of pregnancy, so when I started feeling Crispin around the same time it seemed a little like de ja vu. Only I was not having any of my nightmares or bad feelings like I had while pregnant with Nehemiah. As we were quickly approaching the 20 week mark I was actually having a feelings of comfort & peace. Since we were scheduling our delivery date I started getting panicky & anxious around week 35. I kept feeling like if they do not take him now something bad is going to happen. I would just breathe & start praying to God to let him stay in until the doctor was ready to deliver him. I know that a baby born before 37 weeks is never a good thing.

When people would ask me if I was ready yet or don't I wish he would come early, I always politely said no & no. I knew this was my last baby & I wanted everything to go perfect. After the loss of Nehemiah I look at pregnancy way different than before. I know the last few weeks it seems unbearable at times due to swelling & not being able to sleep comfortably & feeling the baby move makes you wish they were here sooner rather than later so you can feel them in your arms. I think after a pregnancy or infant loss we tend to be able to tolerate the uncomfortableness & the sleeplessness just to insure the baby is healthy, alive & well at birth. I have actually started to believe that a woman who wishes for her baby to born early because it will be cute small & won't hurt so much during delivery or so their baby can be here sooner, are actually selfish!

Now to make a confession. The day we went in for our c-section just to be sent back home due to a scheduling error, I had a couple of panic attacks just thinking "if they leave this baby inside for one more day he is going to die". I just prayed all day that everything was going to work out & I kept reminding God that it was His will. I even reminded Him a time or two that we really wanted this baby & we would be great parents. Like God needs reminding of something I had been thinking & praying for the last nine months. :)

God has truly blessed our family over this past year & I am thankful for having such a loving Father to call upon. I feel sorry for the people out there who do not believe in God or cannot put their trust in Him & let Him have control. When I look around me & see such beautiful flowers, trees, bugs, birds, sunsets, or anything else too beautiful to be man-made I think, "Wow! What a God! How can you not believe in God?"

I will just keep praying for the non-believers & keep giving thanks to my Lord!



For God so loved the world that He gave His one & only son that who should ever believe in Him shall not parish, but have everlasting life. John 3:16

He is Here & We Are Loving Him!

I know it has already been two weeks, but I thought I should post a little something about our new addition!

Crispin Daniel Reyna is here & we are all loving him. After our disappointment of not getting to have him on the day we picked out (1/11/11), we attempted going in & having him again on 1/12/11 & we were not disappointed!

After prepping me for surgery & listening to his heartbeat on the monitors, it was time to deliver our precious baby. He cried the moment they pulled him out & while they cleaned him up & swaddled him. Our anesthesiologist took our first pictures for us.
He is perfect & we are so thankful to God for blessing our family with him. When he smiles while he sleeps, we have started saying he is playing with Nehemiah. Thank you everyone who prayed with us & for us! God is GoOD all the time!

Anticipation & Patience

Anticipation [ an-tis-uh-pey-shuhn ] noun

1.the act of anticipating or the state of being anticipated.

2.realization in advance; foretaste.

3.expectation or hope.

4.previous notion; slight previous impression.

5.intuition, foreknowledge, or prescience.

6.Law . a premature withdrawal or assignment of money from a trust estate.

7.Music . a tone introduced in advance of its harmony so that it sounds against the preceding chord.
Patience [ pey-shuhns ] noun

1.the quality of being patient, as the bearing of provocation, annoyance, misfortune, or pain, without complaint, loss of temper, irritation, or the like.

2.an ability or willingness to suppress restlessness or annoyance when confronted with delay: to have patience with a slow learner.

3.quiet, steady perseverance; even-tempered care; diligence: to work with patience.

4.Cards (chiefly British). solitaire (def. 1).

5.Also called patience dock . a European dock, Rumex patientia, of the buckwheat family, whose leaves are often used as a vegetable.

6.Obsolete . leave; permission; sufferance.

These two words I am having a little problem with today. Since we went to bed early last night & got up at 5:00am to be at the hospital on time, just to be told that our c-section was not scheduled for today as we had been told & expected. How heartbroken was I. All I could say was, "I guess you don't get your date" to JD like it was all his fault or something & held back my tears until we got into the car & by then I was so cold I could not cry.
Anyway, we are suppose to be back up there at the same time tomorrow morning. Wish us luck & we ask for prayers that everything works out tomorrow as it should.

Nerves of Steel?

We are now in our final days of this pregnancy & still trying to get everything in place so we can enjoy our bundle of joy when we bring him home.

I am scheduled to go in for a c-section on Tuesday morning. Everything is already planned out. Where my girls are staying, what time we have to be at the hospital, what time the surgery starts, how long I will be in recovery before getting settled in my room with our new addition & so on & so forth. One thing sticks in my mind over & over again with what we are preparing to do. That is, is this baby going to stick to our plan?

With the way my last pregnancies have gone I know ANYthing can happen & nothing ever works out the way that they are planned to. I was naive with my 1st pregnancy. Just a mere 18 years old, so I did whatever the doctors & nurses asked me to do. I figured since I had worked up to the week before I went into labor with her & since I was young, that I would not labor long & have a beautiful baby in a few short hours. I labored ALL day, 13 days past my due date, just to end up having to have a c-section. I never dilated past a 3 & she was stuck with her umbilical cord around her neck.

With our 2nd pregnancy we were hoping for a VBAC. Well, this little lady had a mind of her own. I was only 3 days past my due date, she was head down & my water broke at home while we were getting ready for work. Everything was calm at the hospital & I was getting ready for a long day of pushing & laboring, when just a few short minutes after my doctor checked me, my baby went into fetal distress & I was wheeled to the OR & knocked out!

Then with our 3rd pregnancy, I had nightmares & strange feelings throughout the pregnancy & then unfortunately we had to say good-bye to our little man at 20 weeks gestation.

Now with our 4th pregnancy, this has been a roller coaster ride of emotions. Everything has went great so far, but we still have our worries & anxieties. Even knowing I will deliver in a little less than 4 days I am still nervous that something bad may happen. We have discussed this with our doctor & we know we are not guaranteed to have a live birth until the baby actually makes their appearance.

Now I think JD & I have switched roles. He is getting more excited & not as scared as he was in the beginning & I am now the one who is anxious & nervous. I know everything is fine & will work out, I just do not have nerves of steel.



"Do not be anxious about anything, but in everything, by prayer & petition, with thanksgiving, present your requests to God. & the peace of God, which transcends all understanding, will guard your hearts & your minds in Christ Jesus." Philippians 4:6-7

Grief - Jeremiah 31:16-17

"This is what the Lord says: "Restrain your voice from weeping & your eyes from tears ... there is hope for your future," declares the Lord."

Grief - Psalm 32:6-7

"Let everyone who is godly pray to You while You may be found; surely when the might waters rise, they will not reach him. You are my hiding place; You will protect me from trouble & surround me with songs of deliverance."

Grief - 1Thessalonians 4:14-18

"We believe that Jesus died & rose again & so we believe that God will bring with Jesus those who have fallen asleep in Him. According to the Lord's own word, we tell you that we who are still alive, who are left till the coming of the Lord, will certainly not precede those who have fallen asleep. For the Lord Himself will come down from heaven, with a loud command, with the voice of the archangel & with the trumpet call of God, & the dead n Christ will rise first. After that, we who are still alive & are left will be caught up together with them in the clouds to meet the Lord in the air. & so we will be with the Lord forever. Therefore encourage each other with these words."

New Year 2011!

I hope everyone made it home safe & sound last night after having fun ringing in the New Year. If you do not go out, I hope you had a nice night ringing in the New Year as well.

Each year we go to my parent's house & stuff ourselves full of sugar & dip, then we play games & sing a little karaoke. We watch the last few minutes of Time Square & count down the ball dropping. We scream & holler "Happy New Year!" at midnight, then kiss & hug everyone! Then we toast & have a drink & then my mom walks around passing out black eyed peas. Which my dad always says he is allergic to it & they make his "teeth itch" just to get out of eating one. As old as I am, I am still not too sure whether this is true or not.

This year was no different, except instead of games, we watched wrestling. Some of our family members stayed in this year & rang in the New Year at home, but we still had a blast. Mom made virgin mimosas with orange juice & 7up, it as different, & we used that to toast each other.

But however each of you rang in the New Year, I just pray for peace & blessings to you & yours this year & may you follow your resolutions to a better year!

From my family to yours, Happy New Year!!

Reflections of 2010

Well we are coming to a close of the year 2010. Here is a small reflection of my family's life over the year...

We started out the year with a large snow that closed school!!

Our baby girl turned 7!

We found out we are expecting!

We now have a 7th Grader & 2nd Grader!
(I do not have a picture of it, but my husband has also became a college student this year!)

We found out we are expecting a boy!

We celebrated Nehemiah's 3rd angelversary!

We became parents to a teenager!!
(2nd from left)

We celebrated an awesome Christmas!

What will the New Year bring us? A new baby, a new job, a new car, a new house, a new outlook on life? Well, whatever it is I know it will be fantastic!

I plan to work on my walk with Christ & to become a better mom so my kids will have someone they can be proud of & a better wife to my husband to keep our marriage going strong. I plan to work on myself image as well so I can have a long healthy life with my children.

We hope everyone has fun ringing in the New Year! Be safe & merry!

God Bless

"For I know the thoughts that I think towards you, says the Lord, thoughts of peace & not of evil, to give you a future & a hope." Jeremiah 29:11

CHRISTmas is

...a silent night
...a gift
...simple
...beautiful
...like magic
...family
...extraordinary
...interesting
...here again
...meaningful
...year round
...a celebration
...popular
...traditions
...is sharing
...cheerful
...catching
...wonderful
...Jesus

'Tis the Reason for the Season!


"Do not be afraid, for behold, I bring you good tidings of great joy which will be to all people. For there is born to you this day in the city of David a Savior who is Christ the Lord & this will be the sign to you: You will find a Babe wrapped in swaddling cloths lying in a manger & suddenly there was with the angel a multitude of the heavenly host praising God & saying "Glory to God in the highest, & on Earth peace, goodwill toward men!" Luke 2:10-14

Time Flys By...

I cannot believe it is CHRISTmas Eve already & in 7 days it will be January 2011! My how this year has flown by.

We have had such an exciting year actually & maybe that is why it has gone by so fast. My husband & I decided we would reconcile our relationship just to find out a short time later that we were expecting & my eldest became a teenager & from there things have just gotten better & better.

We have 18 days until we meet our sweet precious baby boy! It has been a long, stressful at times, exciting moment & I know we are not guaranteed anything in the end, but I believe we are in good hands.

I still miss Nehemiah on a daily basis & wish he were here with us to celebrate CHRISTmas & get to be a physical part of our family. It comforts me to know that we have a guardian angel who watches over us & we will be reunited with him once again.

For now I wish everyone a Merry CHRISTmas & a prosperous New Year! If this year seemed like it was an unbearable year, I just pray that this new year brings you happiness, peace & comfort. Remember that Jesus Christ was born to a virgin so that one day He would pay the price for our sins. He bears the scars from the cross for you & I.



"For I know the thoughts that I think toward you, says the Lord, thoughts of peace & not of evil, to give you a future & a hope." Jeremiah 29:11

34 Weeks & Stuff

Hi All:
Two weeks ago, at my last appointment, I had lost the remaining weight that I had actually gained after having lost it the beginning of my pregnancy.

So, this morning I had to go for another sonogram this morning before my regularly scheduled doctor's appointment to make sure the baby was growing accordingly.

We saw the most beautiful baby on the screen! He is 5 lbs 1oz & has rather long feet. He is already face down & did not want us looking at his face. At one point he turned his head & had his arm over his face, but we could see his lips & nose. He is going to have Makaila's mouth. He was moving his mouth like he was talking & at one point stuck out his tongue.

I had asked the sonographer to verify his boy parts were still there. As soon as she scanned over them, he closed his legs real tight. It was cute. She said if he were not facing my backside we could do a 3D sonogram.

At our doctor's appointment, which is after a huge Thanksgiving dinner & a potluck lunch Friday at work for our baby, I have only gained 1 pound!! We did find out today we will be meeting our little man on 1/11/11 (as long as the hospital does not have to move us to another day).

So, with just 5 weeks to go, we will continue to keep praying for our little blessing & wait patiently for his arrival.



"Blessed shall be the fruit of your body, the produce of your ground & the increase of your herds, the increase of your cattle & the offspring of your flocks." Deuteronomy 28:4

HAPPY THANKSGIVING

Today is the day we give Thanks & enjoy a huge feast with friends & family. Why is this day highlighted more than any other day? Shouldn't everyday be Thanksgiving?

A few days ago I re-post a story that I had put out here on a previous Thanksgiving & I hope everyone read it (again) & shares it with others. Click here to read it.

This year some of our family could not make here this year. We will definitely be missing you guys!

All month myself & a few others have been posting on our Facebook accounts what we are thankful for. I love the idea & I had even posted a prayer, which I would love to share with everyone as I close this post.

Dear Heavenly Father:
I pray to You this holiday season for peace & comfort for those who are missing those dear to them. I pray they not forget why we celebrate Thanksgiving & Christmas. I pray that while they remember their thorns, I also pray they remember the crown of thorns You wore. I also pray they remember that one day we'll be back with the ones we love for a Glorious celebration with You in Heaven Father! ~Amen

Thanksgiving....

Sandra felt as low as the heels of her Birkenstocks as she pushed against a November gust and the florist shop door. Her life had been easy, like spring breeze. Then in the fourth month of her second pregnancy, a minor automobile accident stole her ease. During this Thanksgiving week she would have delivered a son.

She grieved over her loss. As if that weren't enough, her husband's company threatened a transfer. Then her sister, whose holiday visit she coveted, called saying she could not come. What's worse, Sandra's friend infuriated her by suggesting her grief was a God-given path to maturity that would allow her to empathize with others who suffer. "She has no idea what I'm feeling," thought Sandra. "Thanksgiving? Thankful for what?" she wondered. For a careless driver whose truck was hardly scratched when he rear-ended her? For an airbag that saved her life but took the life of her unborn child?

"Good afternoon, can I help you?" The shop clerk's approach startled her.

"I ... I need an arrangement," stammered Sandra.

"For Thanksgiving? Do you want beautiful but ordinary, or would you like to challenge the day with a customer favorite I call the 'Thanksgiving Special'?" asked the shop clerk. "I'm convinced that flowers tell stories," she continued. "Are you looking for something that conveys 'gratitude' this Thanksgiving?"

"Not exactly!" Sandra blurted out. "In the last five months, everything that could go wrong has gone wrong."

Sandra regretted her outburst, and was surprised when the shop clerk said, "I have the perfect arrangement for you."

Then the door's small bell rang, and the shop clerk said, "Hi, Barbara ... let me get your order." She politely excused herself and walked toward a small workroom, then quickly reappeared, carrying an arrangement of greenery, bows, and long-stemmed thorny roses. Except the ends of the rose stems were neatly snipped. There were no flowers!

"Want this in a box?" asked the clerk. Sandra watched for the customer's response. Was this a joke? Who would want rose stems with no flowers! She waited for laughter, but neither woman laughed.

"Yes, please," Barbara replied with an appreciative smile. "You'd think after three years of getting the special, I wouldn't be so moved by its significance, but I can feel it right here, all over again," she said as she gently tapped her chest.

"Uh," stammered Sandra, "that lady just left with, uh ... she just left with no flowers!"

"Right, said the clerk, "I cut off the flowers. That's the Special. I call it the Thanksgiving Thorns Bouquet."

"Oh, come on, you can't tell me someone is willing to pay for that!" exclaimed Sandra.

"Barbara came into the shop three years ago feeling much like you feel today," explained the clerk. "She thought she had very little to be thankful for. She had lost her father to cancer, the family business was failing, her son was into drugs, and she was facing major surgery."
"That same year I had lost my husband," continued the clerk," and for the first time in my life, had just spent the holidays alone. I had no children, no husband, no family nearby, and too great a debt to allow any travel."

"So what did you do?" asked Sandra.

"I learned to be thankful for thorns," answered the clerk quietly.

"I've always thanked God for good things in life and never to ask Him why those good things happened to me, but when bad stuff hit, did I ever ask! It took time for me to learn that dark times are important. I have always enjoyed the 'flowers' of life, but it took thorns to show me the beauty of God's comfort. You know, the Bible says that God comforts us when we're afflicted, and from His consolation we learn to comfort others."

Sandra sucked in her breath as she thought about the very thing her friend had tried to tell her. "I guess the truth is I don't want comfort. I've lost a baby and I'm angry with God."

Just then someone else walked in the shop. "Hey, Phil!" shouted the clerk to the balding, rotund man. "My wife sent me in to get our usual Thanksgiving arrangement ... twelve thorny, long-stemmed stems!" laughed Phil as the clerk handed him a tissue-wrapped arrangement from the refrigerator.

"Those are for your wife?" asked Sandra incredulously. "Do you mind me asking why she wants something that looks like that?"

"No ... I'm glad you asked," Phil replied. "Four years ago my wife and I nearly divorced. After forty years, we were in a real mess, but with the Lord's grace and guidance, we slogged through problem after problem. He rescued our marriage. Jenny here (the clerk) told me she kept a vase of rose stems to remind her of what she learned from 'thorny' times, and that was good enough for me. I took home some of those stems. My wife and I decided to label each one for a specific 'problem' and give thanks for what that problem taught us."

As Phil paid the clerk, he said to Sandra, "I highly recommend the Special!"

"I don't know if I can be thankful for the thorns in my life." Sandra said to the clerk. "It's all too ... fresh."

"Well," the clerk replied carefully, "my experience has shown me that thorns make roses more precious. We treasure God's providential care more during trouble than at any other time. Remember, it was a crown of thorns that Jesus wore so we might know His love. Don't resent the thorns."

Tears rolled down Sandra's cheeks. For the first time since the accident, she loosened her grip on resentment. "I'll take those twelve long-stemmed thorns, please," she managed to choke out.

"I hoped you would," said the clerk gently. "I'll have them ready in a minute."

"Thank you. What do I owe you?"

"Nothing. Nothing but a promise to allow God to heal your heart. The first year's arrangement is always on me."

The clerk smiled and handed a card to Sandra. "I'll attach this card to your arrangement, but maybe you would like to read it first." It read:
"My God, I have never thanked You for my thorns.
I have thanked You a thousand times for my roses, but never once for my thorns.
Teach me the glory of the cross I bear;
Teach me the value of my thorns.
Show me that I have climbed closer to You along the path of pain;
Show me that, through my tears, the colors of Your rainbow look much more brilliant."

Praise Him for your roses, thank Him for your thorns. When the going gets tough, the tough seek the Lord!

Grief & the Holidays

At holiday time, many people are dealing with loss & are often caught in a dilemma between the need to grieve & the pressure to get into the spirit of the season. Holidays or not, it is important for the bereaved to find ways to take care of themselves. The following guidelines may be helpful:

1. Plan ahead as to where & how you will spend your time during the holidays. Let yourself scale back on activities if you want to. Redefine your holiday expectations. This can be a transition year to begin new traditions & let others go.

2. Select a candle in your loved one's favorite color and scent. Place it in a special area of your home & light it at a significant time throughout the holidays, signifying the light of the love that lives on in your heart.

3. Give yourself permission to express your feelings. If you feel an urge to cry, let the tears flow. Tears are healing. Scientists have found that certain brain chemicals in our tears are natural pain relievers.

4. Shakespeare once said, “Give sorrow words…” Write an “un-sent letter” to your loved one. expressing what you are honestly feeling toward him or her at this moment. After you compose the letter, you may decide to place it in a book, album or drawer in your home, leave it at a memorial site, throw it away, or even burn it & let the ashes rise symbolically.

5. When you are especially missing your loved one, call family members or dear friends & share your feelings. If they knew him or her, consider asking them to share some memories of times they shared with your loved one.

6. If you live within driving distance of the cemetery, decorate the memorial site with a holiday theme. This could include flowers, garlands, ribbons, bows, evergreen-branches, packages, pine cones or a miniature Christmas tree. Decorating the site yourself can be helpful in remembering & celebrating your loved one's life during the holidays, and may free you to cherish the present holiday with your remaining family.

7. Play music that is comforting and meaningful to you. Take a few moments to close your eyes and feel the music within the center of your being.

8. Give money you would have spent for gifts for your absent loved one to a charity in your family member's name. Consider donating money to the public library to buy a particular book. Have the book dedicated to your loved one's memory. Buy a present for a child who would not otherwise have a gift during the holiday season.

9. Read a book or article on grief.

10. Remember the reality that the anticipation of the holidays without your family member is often harder than the actual holidays themselves.

"God comforts us in all our afflictions so we in turn maybe able to comfort those with the comfort where with we are comforted by God." 2 Corinthians 1:3-4

30 Weeks 3 Days

I just celebrated my birthday as well as my 30 week mark! Very exciting I must say! That means we only have 9 weeks to go.

At my last appointment I had to do the 1 hour glucose test. Yay! Something I wish the fathers had to do as well. Anyway, I got a call a week later to tell me I FAILED & would have to do a 3 hour glucose test & I am anemic so I have to add an iron pill to my daily regimen.

So, Saturday, I got up early & went to the hospital. I registered & then drank my 8oz. orange glucose drink, gave a urine sample & a blood sample.

Thirty minutes later, gave another blood sample; however, I could not give that urine sample.

After an hour I had to give another urine sample & blood sample.

After another hour I had to give another urine sample & blood sample.

After just one more hour, it was time for one more urine sample & one more blood draw.

Well, I got my call earlier this week & was told my glucose test was normal this time. Wew!

I have to stay on my iron pill though, since the baby is growing so much he will need more of my iron & since I am having a c-section, there will be blood loss. So, I have to keep taking this pill. We also found out that if the hospital is not already full, we get to plan our c-section to January 11, 2011! I guess we will find out for sure in two weeks when we go back to the doctor.

We are getting excited though! We bought our first baby item & I think it has helped ease some anxiety, especially with my husband. It is a pack-n-play with Monkeys on it! It is super cute & we already have it put together in our room.

I do not know why I am so fascinated with the monkey theme. We registered at Babies R Us & they had all this monkey themed baby stuff, so that is when it started. Besides, if this baby comes out like his sisters he will be hairy!

Now we are planning our baby shower. Well, actually, I just e-mailed one of our cousins all the information I had & she is going to get started planning our shower. Then, not long after that our little baby boy will be making his grand entrance.

Happy 3rd Angelversary!

It was rather draining this year for some reason. I do not want my son to feel I have forgotten him just because we are expecting another baby boy.

This year we went to the park next to our apartment & released balloons.
Here are a few pictures to share:

Happy 3rd Angelversary!

It honestly does not feel like we lost you 3 years ago. I still remember everything from the day we received our devastating news to the next day you were born into this world.

I was honestly afraid to see you, but you were beautiful! You had ten fingers & toes, your ears where formed on the side of your head along with your nose on your face & your lips were slightly parted. Your eyes were still sealed tightly as you never got to open them & look us in the face.

I was too scared to pick you up for fear that you would fall apart, so I just touched you everywhere & talked to you. Sometimes I wish I had had the nurse put you in my arms. Your skin was soft & clean from having been bathed. The little cards they gave us with your footprints are a reminder that you were here.

We love you son & will never forget you.

Love Always,
Mommy, Daddy, Andrea, Makaila & Crispin

Nehemiah's Story

Pregnancy & Infant Loss Remembrance Day

For those of you in the Amarillo area, today is the official Pregnancy & Infant Loss Candle Light Vigil.

It is held annually at Medi Park on Streit Street at 7pm. Come out & remember your precious angel or if you know someone who has lost a baby come out for them. There is a balloon release following.

If you cannot make it out to the park, light a candle at 7pm & let it burn for one hour for a continuous wave of light.