Thoughts of a Crazy Woman-er Mama

Time really does fly by when you are having fun! Where does it go, no one knows.

I remember thinking about all the things my girls would do when they were babies, like rolling over, walking, talking, but with Crispin it is different. I am not sure if it is because he is the last baby JD & I will have or if it is from knowing how fast a life can end. No matter how long or short it is.

Instead, I have woken myself, as well as JD, during the middle of the night to make sure Crispin is still breathing, that he is not too hot or too cold. That he has his paci or just to put him bed with us. When I go to the store I look around to make sure some crazy person is not about to jump out & steal my baby from me & make him their own.

One night, after our late night nursing session, I woke to find that Crispin was smashed up against me with the covers over his head. I pulled the covers back & touched his face, thinking it would startle him enough to make his hand move. But nothing. So, I lifted his hand up & it fell back down to the bed like he had been t.k.o.'d. I did this three more times all with the same result. I turned his head over to look at me, but that did nothing. Soon I had him uncovered & was shaking him a little. By this time I had startled JD & he was telling me he was fine & to look at his chest rising & falling. Sure enough he was because by now he was awake & ticked off! I just laid there laughing at myself.

I know he is a happy, healthy, 16.6 pound baby who loves his mama & is best friends with his daddy. Who loves his sisters & their crazy ways. Who loves to nurse, talk & smile, not always in that order. So, for now I will Praise Jesus for blessing me with my sweet precious boy & my beautiful little girls. I will enjoy their precious moments, for I know one day I will miss this.

The Princess

The Duchess

The Prince

Reflections & Confessions

What a whirl-wind of a year my family & I have had!

After finding out we were pregnant while trying to work on our marriage & after the loss of our last baby might be enough for some people to just throw their hands up in the air & give up due to these stresses. It was a trying time at times, I am not going to lie.

I still had some resentments towards my husband & with the pregnancy, I was still enduring some grief from the loss of my last baby. But after many late night discussions we concluded that God wanted us to be blessed with this little miracle for more than one reason or another & my husband says, "God wants me to grow up & be the husband & father I set out to be". We had to let Him have control & believed that He was going to bless us.

While we were pregnant we were dreading the 20 week mark. I had started feeling Nehemiah move around the 16th week of pregnancy, so when I started feeling Crispin around the same time it seemed a little like de ja vu. Only I was not having any of my nightmares or bad feelings like I had while pregnant with Nehemiah. As we were quickly approaching the 20 week mark I was actually having a feelings of comfort & peace. Since we were scheduling our delivery date I started getting panicky & anxious around week 35. I kept feeling like if they do not take him now something bad is going to happen. I would just breathe & start praying to God to let him stay in until the doctor was ready to deliver him. I know that a baby born before 37 weeks is never a good thing.

When people would ask me if I was ready yet or don't I wish he would come early, I always politely said no & no. I knew this was my last baby & I wanted everything to go perfect. After the loss of Nehemiah I look at pregnancy way different than before. I know the last few weeks it seems unbearable at times due to swelling & not being able to sleep comfortably & feeling the baby move makes you wish they were here sooner rather than later so you can feel them in your arms. I think after a pregnancy or infant loss we tend to be able to tolerate the uncomfortableness & the sleeplessness just to insure the baby is healthy, alive & well at birth. I have actually started to believe that a woman who wishes for her baby to born early because it will be cute small & won't hurt so much during delivery or so their baby can be here sooner, are actually selfish!

Now to make a confession. The day we went in for our c-section just to be sent back home due to a scheduling error, I had a couple of panic attacks just thinking "if they leave this baby inside for one more day he is going to die". I just prayed all day that everything was going to work out & I kept reminding God that it was His will. I even reminded Him a time or two that we really wanted this baby & we would be great parents. Like God needs reminding of something I had been thinking & praying for the last nine months. :)

God has truly blessed our family over this past year & I am thankful for having such a loving Father to call upon. I feel sorry for the people out there who do not believe in God or cannot put their trust in Him & let Him have control. When I look around me & see such beautiful flowers, trees, bugs, birds, sunsets, or anything else too beautiful to be man-made I think, "Wow! What a God! How can you not believe in God?"

I will just keep praying for the non-believers & keep giving thanks to my Lord!



For God so loved the world that He gave His one & only son that who should ever believe in Him shall not parish, but have everlasting life. John 3:16

He Collects Your Tears

"You keep track of all my sorrows. You have collected all my tears in Your bottle. You have recorded each one in Your book" Psalm 56:8

TODAY'S WORD from Joel and Victoria

Do you know how important you are to God? He cares so much about every detail of your life. He cares about your thoughts, feelings, and emotions. In fact, what you are going through is so important to Him that He records every sorrow and collects every tear you've shed. Why would God record your sorrows and collect your tears? It's because He loves you so much. He is your Vindicator. He's keeping account of every wrong that's ever been done to you so that He can make up for every single one of them. He wants to restore everything that has ever been stolen. He wants to heal every single hurt and pain. He sees the longings and desires of your heart, and you can rest assured that behind the scenes He is working things out for your good!

I want to remind you today that God is with you. He is on your side. He has your best interest at heart, and He is working to bring restoration and peace to every area of your life. Keep standing, keep believing, and keep doing the right thing because the One who collects your tears will restore every broken place in your life!

TaLkiN

I love "All Around Me" by Flyleaf. The lyrics have so many meanings.

When I read the words I think of being in church & raising your hands during praise & worship. Like when the Holy Spirit moves you during a song,you close your eyes, raise your face to the ceiling & raise your hands above your head.

When I listen to the song it makes me think of loved ones who have passed on. Maybe you had a close connection with that person & you can feel them around you letting you know they are okay & that you are okay to move on.

Or when you read where some child or elderly person being saved from something devastating or over come an illness & they live to tell their story.

You could incorporate these words to fit any situation.

I posted the lyrics below so if you have never heard the song you could read the words & know what I am talking about.


P.S. Did you all notice I changed my title & added descriptions? It only seemed fitting.



I will be glad & rejoice in You; I will sing praise to Your name, O Most High. Psalm 9:2

Tonight's Prayer

Be of good courage,
And He shall strengthen your heart,
All you who hope in the Lord. Psalm 31:24


Dear Heavenly Father:
With all of this news of people losing their homes & jobs, I first want to pray to you tonight to give thanks for my many blessings: my family & friends, my home, heat, a car, a job & my health.
I pray for the numerous people with many financial worries, to give You control. I pray they are able to find jobs, & the ones who have not lost their homes yet, I pray they are able to keep their homes & not fall into Satan's traps of stealing, murder or suicide. I pray they find the help they need. I do pray no one in my family loses their jobs due to layoffs.
I pray for the all the little babies fighting to stay in this world. I pray for their parents to continue their faith in You. I pray for Your hands to guide the doctors' hands; keep them steady & nurturing. I pray for the doctors not to give up, even when they feel there is no more to be done, until the very end.
I pray for anyone suffering from an incurable disease. I pray they have peace & do not suffer.
I ask for forgiveness for my sins.
I pray for guidance to be a better Christian, a better wife, mother, sister & daughter.
In Jesus' name I pray,
Amen

Thankful for My Thorns

After receiving this in an email a week before Thanksgiving 2007, I was inspired to write our Thanksgiving prayer.

Sandra felt as low as the heels of her Birkenstocks as she pushed against a November gust and the florist shop door. Her life had been easy, like spring breeze.

Then in the fourth month of her second pregnancy, a minor automobile accident stole her ease. During this Thanksgiving week she would have delivered a son.

She grieved over her loss. As if that weren't enough, her husband's company threatened a transfer. Then her sister, whose holiday visit she coveted, called saying she could not come. What's worse, Sandra's friend infuriated her by suggesting her grief was a God-given path to maturity that would allow her to empathize with others who suffer. "She has no idea what I'm feeling," thought Sandra. "Thanksgiving? Thankful for what?" she wondered. For a careless driver whose truck was hardly scratched when he rear-ended her? For an airbag that saved her life but took the life of her unborn child?

"Good afternoon, can I help you?" The shop clerk's approach startled her. "I ... I need an arrangement," stammered Sandra. "For Thanksgiving? Do you want beautiful but ordinary, or would you like to challenge the day with a customer favorite I call the 'Thanksgiving Special'?" asked the shop clerk. "I'm convinced that flowers tell stories," she continued. "Are you looking for something that conveys 'gratitude' this Thanksgiving?"

"Not exactly!" Sandra blurted out. "In the last five months, everything that could go wrong has gone wrong."

Sandra regretted her outburst, and was surprised when the shop clerk said, "I have the perfect arrangement for you."

Then the door's small bell rang, and the shop clerk said, "Hi, Barbara ... let me get your order." She politely excused herself and walked toward a small workroom, then quickly reappeared, carrying an arrangement of greenery, bows, and long-stemmed thorny roses. Except the ends of the rose stems were neatly snipped. There were no flowers!

"Want this in a box?" asked the clerk. Sandra watched for the customer's response. Was this a joke? Who would want rose stems with no flowers! She waited for laughter, but neither woman laughed. "Yes, please," Barbara replied with an appreciative smile. "You'd think after three years of getting the special, I wouldn't be so moved by its significance, but I can feel it right here, all over again," she said as she gently tapped her chest.

"Uh," stammered Sandra, "that lady just left with, uh ... she just left with no flowers!"

"Right, said the clerk, "I cut off the flowers. That's the Special. I call it the Thanksgiving Thorns Bouquet."

"Oh, come on, you can't tell me someone is willing to pay for that!" exclaimed Sandra.

"Barbara came into the shop three years ago feeling much like you feel today," explained the clerk. "She thought she had very little to be thankful for. She had lost her father to cancer, the family business was failing, her son was into drugs, and she was facing major surgery."

"That same year I had lost my husband," continued the clerk," and for the first time in my life, had just spent the holidays alone. I had no children, no husband, no family nearby, and too great a debt to allow any travel."

"So what did you do?" asked Sandra.

"I learned to be thankful for thorns," answered the clerk quietly.

"I've always thanked God for good things in life and never to ask Him why those good things happened to me, but when bad stuff hit, did I ever ask! It took time for me to learn that dark times are important. I have always enjoyed the 'flowers' of life, but it took thorns to show me the beauty of God's comfort. You know, the Bible says that God comforts us when we're afflicted, and from His consolation we learn to comfort others."

Sandra sucked in her breath as she thought about the very thing her friend had tried to tell her. "I guess the truth is I don't want comfort. I've lost a baby and I'm angry with God."

Just then someone else walked in the shop. "Hey, Phil!" shouted the clerk to the balding, rotund man. "My wife sent me in to get our usual Thanksgiving arrangement ... twelve thorny, long-stemmed stems!" laughed Phil as the clerk handed him a tissue-wrapped arrangement from the refrigerator.

"Those are for your wife?" asked Sandra incredulously. "Do you mind me asking why she wants something that looks like that?"

No ... I'm glad you asked," Phil replied. "Four years ago my wife and I nearly divorced. After forty years, we were in a real mess, but with the Lord's grace and guidance, we slogged through problem after problem. He rescued our marriage. Jenny here (the clerk) told me she kept a vase of rose stems to remind her of what she learned from 'thorny' times, and that was good enough for me. I took home some of those stems. My wife and I decided to label each one for a specific 'problem' and give thanks for what that problem taught us."

As Phil paid the clerk, he said to Sandra, "I highly recommend the Special!"

"I don't know if I can be thankful for the thorns in my life." Sandra said to the clerk. "It's all too ... fresh."

"Well," the clerk replied carefully, "my experience has shown me that thorns make roses more precious. We treasure God's providential care more during trouble than at any other time. Remember, it was a crown of thorns that Jesus wore so we might know His love. Don't resent the thorns."

Tears rolled down Sandra's cheeks. For the first time since the accident, she loosened her grip on resentment. "I'll take those twelve long-stemmed thorns, please," she managed to choke out.

"I hoped you would," said the clerk gently. "I'll have them ready in a minute."

"Thank you. What do I owe you?"

"Nothing. Nothing but a promise to allow God to heal your heart. The first year's arrangement is always on me."

The clerk smiled and handed a card to Sandra. "I'll attach this card to your arrangement, but maybe you would like to read it first." It read:

"My God, I have never thanked You for my thorns.
I have thanked You a thousand times for my roses, but never once for my thorns.
Teach me the glory of the cross I bear;
Teach me the value of my thorns.
Show me that I have climbed closer to You along the path of pain;
Show me that, through my tears, the colors of Your rainbow look much more brilliant."

Praise Him for your roses, thank Him for your thorns. When the going gets tough, the tough seek the Lord!

The Healing Power of Laughter

One of the greatest stress relievers God has given us is laughter. It not only makes us feel better, but it actually releases healing throughout our system. When we laugh, it restores and rejuvenates what the pressures of life have taken out.
 

Proverbs 17:22 puts it like this, "A happy heart is like a good medicine and a cheerful mind works healing." Notice, when we're good-natured and full of joy, taking time to laugh and play, it's like taking a good medicine. That's what helps us to stay healthy. People that laugh regularly are 40% less likely to have a heart attack than people that don't laugh regularly. Laughter triggers the right side of the brain, which helps release creativity and helps us to make better decisions.

There is too much sickness in our world today. Much of it is related to sadness. It's directly related to the fact that we don't smile enough. We live uptight and stressed out.

But even during trials and hard times, God says to us, "I've got a solution. In difficulties, cheer up. In famine, laugh. Keep your joy." You can laugh your way to victory, to better health and to more energy.

God knows the end of the story. He knows the final outcome. The good news is you and I win. God always causes us to triumph. We should have a spring in our step, a smile on our face, joy in our hearts and unshakeable faith. God's plan for our lives is for good and He has the answer to our every question. Knowing this, we can laugh at the days ahead!

Tonight's Prayer

And behold, I am coming quickly & My reward is with Me to give to every one according to his work.
I am the Alpha & the Omega, the Beginning & the End, the First & the Last.
Blessed are those who do His commandments, that they may have the right to the tree of life & may enter through the gates into the city.
Revelation 22:12-14

Dear Heavenly Father:
I come to You this day to thank You for my many blessings. I thank You for my opportunity to live in the land of the free & to be able to worship You & for the troops who help keep it that way.
I pray for these many sick children in the blogs I have been reading lately & pray that their parents continue with their faith in You. I also pray for continued guidance in the parents who have already lost their child. Give them the strength to go another day & know that their child is now free of illness & suffering with You now.
I pray that I am able to come up with the words to inspire & testify to Your truth so they may know You & want to come to You. Not only in a time of need, but in times of good as well.
We forget sometimes that You are the One in control & depend on ourselves too much to let You have control. I pray that anyone who has something they need to let go, that they put it in Your hands. Your hands that bare scars from the nails that held You to the cross when You died for our sins.
You are Almighty & You are the Alpha & Omega!
I love You Lord & only wish to praise You.
In Jesus' name I pray,
Amen

He Set the Course for Victory

"He holds victory in store for the upright, He is a shield to those whose walk is blameless, for He guards the course of the just and protects the way of His faithful ones" Proverbs 2:7-8

Today's Word from Joel and Victoria

Are you facing a challenge or difficulty that seems overwhelming? When you stand strong and remain faithful to God, He promises to set your course for victory! And victory doesn´t necessarily mean everything is going to go our way all the time or work out the way we planned. The Bible says that the real battle we face isn´t in our circumstances, it´s in our minds. The enemy is after your thoughts. He´s after your peace and joy. He knows that when you have peace, it´s a sign that you are connected to the Father. When you hold on to your peace and choose to be joyful, you are walking in victory, and it´s just a matter of time before your circumstances line up! Remember, God knew every person who would wrong you, and He´s already laid out your vindication. God knew every disappointment, and He´s already laid out new opportunities. God knew everything that would be stolen, and He has already laid out your restoration. Rejoice today knowing that He has set your course for victory in every area of your life!

Matthew 19:14

Jesus said, "Let the little children come to me, and do not hinder them, for the kingdom of heaven belongs to such as these."

My Redeemer Lives

One of my favorite parts to My Redeemer Lives by Nicole C. Mullins:

And the same gentle hands that hold me when I'm broken
They conquered death to bring me victory

Amen

Praise You in This Storm (lyrics)

words by Mark Hall/music by Mark Hall and Bernie Herms

I was sure by now,God, that You would have reached down
and wiped our tears away,
stepped in and saved the day.
But once again, I say amen
and it's still raining
as the thunder rolls
I barely hear You whisper through the rain,
"I'm with you"
and as Your mercy falls
I raise my hands and praise
the God who gives and takes away.

Chorus:
And I'll praise you in this storm
and I will lift my hands
for You are who You are
no matter where I am
and every tear I've cried
You hold in your hand
You never left my side
and though my heart is torn
I will praise You in this storm

I remember when I stumbled in the wind
You heard my cry to You
and raised me up again
my strength is almost gone how can I carry on
if I can't find You
and as the thunder rolls
I barely hear You whisper through the rain
"I'm with you"
and as Your mercy falls
I raise my hands and praise
the God who gives and takes away

Chorus

I lift my eyes onto the hills
where does my help come from?
My help comes from the Lord, the maker of heaven and earth
I lift my eyes onto the hills
where does my help come from?
My help comes from the Lord, the maker of heaven and earth

Chorus