He Gives Beauty for Ashes

While I nurse Crispin, we tend to lock eyes just for a moment. He looks away or closes his eyes to drift off to sleep. At these times I think about how beautiful he is with his big brown eyes, long eye lashes peach fuzz head. I think of how innocent he is & how pure his soul is.Sometimes my thoughts drift on to the son I never got to nurse. I always wonder how Nehemiah would have looked. I have had visions or met children whom I thought had characteristics my baby might have had.

When Nehemiah was born, he was fully formed just really small. His skin was red & he had not grown any hair yet. His skin was smooth & glossy, not the same feel as a newborn. His eyes were closed, but his lips were parted & you could see his tongue. I might seem a little "off my rocker", but when I look at his pictures I see JD in him.

At times when I have been playing with Crispin or nursing him these lyrics have come to mind:
"He gives beauty for ashes
Strength for fear Gladness for mourning Peace for despair" ~Crystal Lewis

I know that God never gives us more than we can handle & sometimes I feel people come into our lives at different times to teach us something. It may seem unfair when they have to go, but I know that God has a plan for me & I have to have faith in Him & let Him lead me.

My "beauties for ashes" (4days old)